“Yes,” he said, not bothering to contradict her description.
“Possibly. That is to say, I did have a suitor during my second season, but he lost interest and eventually married someone else.”
“Then he’s a fool.” Her wistfulness settled heavily across his shoulders. He did not like knowing that she’d been rejected, perhaps even hurt by some unappreciative man. “Did you care for him?”
It took a while for her to answer, and for some absurd reason this made him edgy. The carriage rattled in response to an uneven spot in the road. Griffin clenched his fists and braced for her response.
“I believed we would get on well with each other.” She sighed with a hint of sadness that tore at his heart. “It would not have been a love match, but it was a chance for me to have a family of my own.”
“Did you ever discover what happened? Why the gentleman in question changed his mind?”
“Not exactly, though I do think my mother managed to frighten him away.” She took a deep breath and attempted to meet his gaze, which pushed her knee more firmly against his own. The contact was brief since she quickly changed her position, but the effect lingered like hot little embers scattered across his skin. “But I’m no longer sorry the attachment ended, for it allowed me to choose a different path, one which includes Cassandra and Mary and the children we’ve taken into our care.”
Griffin expelled a deep breath. For a second, he considered asking who her suitor had been, but then she began regaling him with stories about the orphans and it no longer seemed appropriate. Nor did it really matter. She’d clearly moved on and was happy with the life she’d built for herself together with her friends.
He ought to be pleased for her. After all, he had his own life to return to.
So then why did he wish that she’d want something more? Something that might include him in the picture? It made no sense. Especially since this wasn’t something that he was prepared to offer.
“What about you?” Emily asked Lord Griffin a couple of hours later. They’d just left another coaching inn where they’d stopped for a change of horses.
“How do you mean?” he inquired.
His question made sense considering she’d just finished telling him about the time when the oldest boy in her care, Peter, had gone missing, and Caleb had found him and brought him back to Clearview.
“Have you never considered marrying?”
Lord Griffin grunted. “Marriage demands a certain degree of trust in the other person. I’ve not yet found such a person.”
Emily took a moment to let that cynical impression of marriage sink in before saying, “I take it you’ve never been in love?”
There was a pause. And then, “Your assumption is quite correct, Miss Howard. I also don’t expect to be, which is why I’m not eagerly looking to settle down. Even though my mother would be thrilled to have me do so.” He gave a humorless chuckle. “She even has a list.”
Emily couldn’t help but smile. “Of suitable brides?”
“It was meant for my brother, but now that he’s safely married, it’s been passed on to me.”
Emily laughed outright. “Judging from the lack of enthusiasm in your voice, I take it you’re not enjoying her matchmaking efforts.”
“To put it plainly, I cannot wait to escape them.”
His comment compounded the inconvenience she’d caused him. Guilt threaded its way through her heart. “I’m sorry if I’ve delayed you. Caleb did say you were planning to return to Vienna soon.”
“I’ve no fixed schedule for my departure. A quick trip to Clearview won’t make much of a difference.”
She was pleased to hear it and yet she wasn’t, because his assurance, as comforting as it was, confirmed he would leave for Austria once he’d completed his gentlemanly duty toward her. Which was something she found to be rather depressing.
She’d grown accustomed to his presence, even though they’d only interacted occasionally. But it had been enough for him to become the man she looked forward to seeing. Not because she imagined he’d ever feel for her what she felt for him, but because she enjoyed the spark he instilled in her. It made her feel alive and because of this, she could not quite imagine England without him.
“I’m glad to hear it,” she said, pleased with the level sound of her voice. The carriage bounced as it followed a bend in the road. Emily leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I think I’ll try to sleep for a while now if you don’t mind.”
“By all means,” he murmured.
Emily said nothing further. She was actually quite exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Because she could no longer claim an innocent appreciation for Lord Griffin’s company or even a slight attraction. What she felt for him now that she’d kissed him was far more complicated and not at all easy to unravel.
4
Grey clouds were drawing togetherwhen the carriage reached their destination three days later. “It looks like it’s going to rain,” Griffin said as they started their one mile walk to Clearview. In spite of the foreboding weather, he was glad to exchange the pungent smell of the carriage with clean country air.
