Even though her stomach had tied itself into knots, Viola managed to stand up straight and meet Mr. Steadford’s stern expression with resolve. “There is nothing damning for anyone to find.” No records remained.
“Good.” Mr. Steadford touched the brim of his hat. “In that case I’ll begin working on your defense right away. We’ll be in touch.” He gave Mr. Lowell a nod and walked away, leaving them standing beside Lowell’s carriage.
“He’s a good barrister,” Mr. Lowell said, “and he is on your side, even though I realize his manner might make it seem as if he’s not at times.”
“I know.”
He glanced at his carriage and then at Viola. “If I may, I would like to suggest a drink at my club. You look as though you could do with a little fortification.”
As tempting as the invitation was, she knew she ought to resist. “Thank you, but—”
“Viola.” His voice was calm. “I am asking you as a concerned friend who cares about your well-being. There is no ulterior motive,” he said, and suddenly smiled. Lowering his voice, he spoke with a hint of humor. “I am not trying to lure you into my secret lair of debauchery.”
She couldn’t help the grin that followed or the flare of heat fanning out across her shoulders. “Does such a place truly exist?” And why on earth was she curious to know if it did?
“Maybe.” He reached for the carriage door and opened it wide. “Maybe not.” Holding out his free hand, he waited for her to accept his invitation. “It does not signify since all I am offering you right now is companionship.”
Hesitating, Viola stared into the depths of his dark brown eyes. He made her feel attractive, even though she knew she wasn’t. Somehow, against all odds, Mr. Lowell had turned her world upside down. For the first time since Robert had broken her heart, Mr. Lowell had made her look forward to spending time in another man’s company.
“Truly?” Recalling his touch as he’d taught her how to play billiards, the mischief shining in his eyes when he’d beat her at cards and the kindness with which he’d offered his assistance the moment she’d required it, she suddenly knew that she wanted a whole lot more. She wanted him. And as frightening as that prospect was and as much as she knew she could never risk a romantic liaison with anyone, it seemed to right her lopsided world. “You will not attempt to seduce me?”
He inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring while he stared back at her with dark intensity. “Not today,” he murmured.
Disappointment raced through her, which was of course ridiculous since she wasn’t really looking to have an affair. She was a reasonable woman who prided herself on her respectability, and that respectability had to be maintained at all cost if she was to stand a chance of winning in court. One wrong move would give Mr. Hayes additional ammunition to use against her. But she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to feel desirable.
She’d spent the last two years dedicating herself to her goals, to making an old man happy and then to saving the sick. And she’d told herself that this was enough, that she never wanted to fall prey to passion again. Now, placing her hand in Mr. Lowell’s, she realized she’d been wrong.
His fingers closed around hers, and Viola’s breath caught.
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t try tomorrow,” he murmured, his silky voice following her up into the carriage, instilling in her a sense of excitement, the likes of which she’d never experienced before. This was a game, she realized—a very complicated one in which the players would either surrender or walk away unfulfilled. It occurred to her that they’d been playing it for a while already, ever since he’d woken up at St. Agatha’s Hospital after undergoing surgery, and she’d been the nurse who’d tended to him.
Climbing into the carriage, he shut the door, lowered himself to the opposite bench and knocked on the roof so the driver would know they were ready. Lounging against the corner directly across from where she sat, he stretched his legs out at an angle. His large body shrank the interior and made her feel smaller than usual.
“Will you tell me what’s really between you and Robert?”
In spite of his leisurely tone, a chill curled around Viola’s spine and a knot formed in her throat as her eyes began to sting. Of all the things they might discuss on their way to The Red Rose, this was the one that appealed the least. And yet, Mr. Lowell’s searching gaze was inviting her to be honest. He cared about her answer, and as upsetting as she feared it might be to him, she knew it would be a mistake not to tell him the truth when he was so boldly asking to hear it.
“I made a terrible mistake where Robert was concerned,” she quietly murmured. The knot in her throat tightened. Blinking rapidly, she tried to stop the tears from falling, but it was pointless. They spilled from the corners of her eyes, dampening her cheeks. “He was such a fixed part of my life growing up. Whenever my father and I would visit Peter, Robert was there, except when he was away at Eton and later at university.” When Henry said nothing, she continued as if her voice was detached from her body. “In the years that followed, I grew up, from a girl into a young woman. And then my father died and the world as I knew it crumbled around me. But Robert was there. He acted as though he cared, as though I mattered to him, and I gradually fancied myself in love with him, even though I have later realized it wasn’t love at all, but merely a childish infatuation.”
“How young were you when you realized you’d developed atendrefor him?”
“Sixteen.” She dropped her gaze to her lap as she thought back to who she’d once been. “When I asked him if he loved me in return, he told me he did.” An indelicate sob tore its way past her lips, embarrassing her so completely she wished she could flee. But that was not an option. Not when she was confined to a carriage and not when she had to face this and put it to rest. “It’s the reason why he so easily manipulated me into doing what I did, because he told me that’s how men and women prove their affection for one another. He said, “If you love me like you say you do, you’ll enjoy this. And then he...” She laughed as if the world was coming apart at the seams, with raw despair and anguish. “He hurt me, Henry, but I told myself over and over again that this was the price to pay in order to win him.”
“Jesus, Viola.”
“When it was over,” she gasped, her body shaking in the aftermath of her revelation, “he told me he’d had better. And then he walked away and left me.” She drew a deep breath and held it, counted to three and quietly exhaled. “That’s when I realized that every kindness he’d shown me had been a trick—a deliberate effort to use my vulnerability against me. Later that day, I discovered that he was engaged to Lady Beatrice. It wasn’t until I married Peter that I discovered he’d been made aware of what Robert had done to me. I’m not sure how he found out, but I do know it’s why he sent Robert away, and I also suspect it’s the reason he left as much as he could to me instead of to his son.”
“I hardly know what to say.”
Viola winced. “I expected as much.” She swiped at her eyes.
“No.” He was suddenly beside her, enfolding her fingers with his. “You misunderstand me.” Raising her hands to his lips, he kissed her knuckles. “I don’t know what to say because I’m afraid I will frighten you with my anger, not at you but at him, Viola.Hewronged you most grievously, took advantage of a girl who was barely more than a child. He used your love for him as a weapon to make you submit and to steal from you in the worst possible way.”
“So you... you do not resent me for what I allowed him to do?” She could scarcely believe it.
Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms. “You are still the kind, generous woman I know and you did what you did because your heart was pure—because you believed the best of a man who wasn’t to be trusted.” He kissed the top of her head while she pressed her face to his chest, taking comfort in the wonderfully familiar scent of sandalwood and bergamot.
“Over the years, I have realized how lonely I was back then. My beloved father was gone, Peter was old and I had little company besides Robert. I suppose what I really wanted was proof that I mattered.” She tilted her head back and looked up into his steady gaze. “Instead I got the opposite.”
