Hearing him speak of his physical attraction toward her, however, reminded her of their scandalous encounter in the library and of the provocative words he’d spoken both then and the following morning. With no more effort, he’d awakened a keen desire inside her, a desire compelling her to act without any consideration for her own safety. Her intention had been to preserve her sanity since the alternative would be surrender.
Except she was now confined to a bed without much chance of anything untoward happening. And Ravenworth had just confessed an interest in getting to know her better. To say she wasn’t thrilled by this was an understatement, because it meant she wasn’t the only one hoping to forge a bond that transcended lust and desire.
“Eve?”
Blinking, she forced herself to gather her wits. “I, er, I grew up a few hours north of London, in the village of Dashford. My parents owned a decent-sized property, a five bedroom house my grandfather helped them acquire.”
“That sounds like an exceedingly comfortable home.”
“It was.” She thought back to how she’d played in the garden there. Funny, her memories only included bright sunny days. “There was a tall oak tree behind the house that my sisters and I used to climb. It had a swing attached to it. One of those with really long ropes that can make your belly soar.”
“I wish I could have seen you on that swing,” he murmured. “Judging from your smile right now, I imagine you found great joy in it.”
“I did.” Focusing, she said, “I also enjoyed picking berries. Mama was especially fond of raspberries and blueberries, so we had several bushes. And there were always flowers too. Bright displays for us to pick and carry inside. The lilacs were probably my favorite.”
“Is that why you choose to use lilac perfume?”
Stunned by the intimacy of the question, she quietly nodded. “You’ve noticed.”
His eyes seemed to darken slightly. The air grew thicker. “Not doing so is impossible.”
“Just as impossible as it is for me not to smell the scent of sandalwood and pine you seem to favor?”
“Yes,” he murmured. “Just as impossible as that.”
Holding his gaze until she started to squirm with restless discomfort, Eve swallowed and quickly returned to the safety of what she’d been saying. “I was happy.Wewere happy. As a family.”
“So what changed?”
His voice was quiet and tender, and yet she could hear the urgency behind it, telling her the answer mattered to him. That, alone, was enough for her to share what she’d never shared with anyone besides her sisters.
“Mama got sick and Papa began to lose focus. He worried about her so much, it affected his work. He wasn’t particularly skilled at it to begin with, but at least he’d made the necessary effort.” Closing her eyes, Eve allowed herself to remember a past she rarely chose to revisit. “As Mama got progressively worse and it became clear she would not survive, Papa took solace in drink. His brandy became his best friend, more so after she died. He gave up on work and on himself. We lost the house in Dashford and were eventually forced to sell our Mayfair townhouse too.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and this time it was he who placed his hand over hers, startling her with his touch so, her eyes sprang open. He was leaning toward her, his expression grave and full of compassion.
“Me too,” she said. “My oldest sister, Josephine, managed to procure another home for us. It’s not in as affluent a part of town as Mayfair, but it’s still respectable enough. She has done so much to help us all through this change of circumstance. So has Louise. Both are working in an effort to give me a proper Season. Their greatest hope for me is to make a respectable match, to marry well so I might restore our place in society to some extent.”
Ravenworth’s hand tightened around hers, and for reasons she couldn’t explain, Eve sensed he was finding it hard to speak. Eventually, he nodded and said, “Then that is what you must do.”
It was a reasonable statement. She couldn’t understand why it made her heart feel as though it were breaking. But it did. Perhaps because the words sounded so final, as if he would not be a part of this process. He’d take her to Margaret when doing so became possible. Her acquaintance with him would come to an end. He was an earl, after all, and she’d given him every reason to avoid any kind of attachment to her. With this in mind, she drew her hand away from his, unwilling to let herself hope for something that would not come to pass.
“We all have our duty. I’m sure you have yours too.”
“I used to think so,” he said, “but that was before…” Looking away, he held himself completely still for a moment. When his eyes met hers once more, the penetrating depth of it left her breathless. “My reputation is not what it once was.”
“How so?”
She could see he was clenching his jaw. Whatever it was he was trying to say, getting it out was proving difficult. In the end, he chose not to answer, asking instead, “Would you throw away your chance to make a respectable match on a man who’s been shunned by his own family? On a man who will never again be invited to dinner parties or balls?”
The notion he might be guilty of something awful enough to warrant such harsh condemnation was startling. “What happened?”
Wincing, he stood and shook his head. “Your answer is in your eyes, Eve. What happened no longer matters.”
Speechless, she watched him take his leave. The door closed, and the hot sting of tears surprised her. Their connection had been severed. He’d avoided expanding upon the truth, which meant it had to be terrible. Especially if his own family had cut all ties to him on account of his actions.
Still, after everything she’d shared about her own past and her current situation, she would have appreciated blunt openness. Instead, she’d been given innuendo. He’d denied her the chance to make an unbiased decision by avoiding the facts. And as she reflected more on it, the evasiveness with which he’d spoken, she decided she was not going to let him hide behind the fear of what she might think of him when he told her the truth. Because that was what this had to be about. In light of his question, she could think of no other reason.
What happened no longer matters.
