Queen Liliana didn’t think I could do this, so she’d already moved on to Princess Isolde, training her to be the champion she didn’t believe I could be.
I stood frozen, soaking it all in and trying not to cry, trying to stay strong and find the confidence in myself that no one else seemed to have in me.
“Maybe this is for the best,” my mother started as she stepped closer to me. “I never wanted you to go to Ethereum. You’re many wonderful things, Aribella, but not an assassin. Your place is here,safe in the palace with your father and me. Let the next princess travel to—”
“Mother, this isn’t something I have a choice in,” I snapped.
Dropping the clothes I had collected I pointed out toward the window. Even now I could see two groups of Fall fae making their way toward the palace. They were too far away to make out details, but I imagine they’d arrive looking like the others had. Threadbare clothes dripping with black oily water, carrying only the meager belongings they were able to save.
Frightened. Hungry. Looking to us to help them.
“The curse isn’t coming anymore, it’s here,” I said to my mother. “Fall fae from all over our court are beginning to suffer. The portal won’t open in the Winter Court until the winter solstice over three months from now. Our court won’t be able to hold on that long. Look at what happened to the Summer Court. If I don’t go to Ethereum when our portal opens and bring back that heart, our whole court will fall. I can’t let that happen. I won’t. My people,ourpeople need me, and I don’t intend to let them down.”
She pressed her lips together, but her bottom lip started to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.
“I can’t do it,” she started to wail. “I can’t let my only daughter go and sacrifice herself. Let the whole of Faerie suffer, I don’t care.” Falling into me, she started to sob.
Part of me softened toward her. I was fortunate to have a mother who loved me so much she’d be willing to do anything, to sacrifice anything, to keep me safe. But the other part of me resented her. She was always so worried about me hurting myself that she was often suffocating.
I understood that my mother didn’t have any real interest in ruling. She was happy to just decorate, take care of me, and throw parties. I never judged her for that, she always seemed to have weak nerves and ruling a kingdom was not something she seemed cut out for. But I was not my mother.
“Don’t say that, Mother,” I said, trying to soothe her. “I’m a born princess of Faerie, just like you were before me. Our duty first and foremost is to this court and Faerie. My life isn’t worth any more than any of our subjects’. You taught me that.”
My words just made her wail louder. The sound grated on me, but I forced myself to rub a hand on her back as she continued to cry into my shoulder.
“You’re not cut out for this, daughter.”
I tried not to bristle at that. I knew my mother didn’t mean to put me down. She was in a fragile place right now, terrified her fears since my birth were going to come true and that she would lose me. That one day I would never wake from one of my episodes or that I would die on this quest to bring back the black heart of an Ethereum lord.
And the truth be told, her fears weren’t unsubstantiated. What I was setting out to do was dangerous. The first champion had trained her whole life for this fight and still failed.
But I wasn’t going into this naively. I was acutely aware of my disadvantages, but I believed what I lacked in physical strength could be made up for in wit, intellect, and a heavy dose of my magical ability.
“It’s okay if you don’t believe in me, because I believe in myself,” I started gently to soften the bite of my next words. “But know this,Mother, in less than a week’s time Iwillgo to Ethereum. And the moment I land in front of the black-hearted lord, I will carve that organ from his chest.” I growled the last part.
My mother stopped crying. Pulling back, she blinked up at me, seemingly stunned that I was holding my ground.
Had I been so accommodating throughout my life that standing on my own two feet surprised her? It made me sad to think that I’d spent so many years holding myself back. Trying to appease a mother who was more content to see me tucked away safely than facing life head-on.
But no more. It was time. I was going to spread my wings and jump. Whether I fell or flew would be up to me, but either way I was going to do this.
Faint hearted or not. For Faerie, and also for myself.
“Iwillget the black heart and bring it back to the Fall Court, or die trying. That is my vow, and nothing you, or anyone else in Faerie, say or do will stop me.”
Chapter 3
Ileft my room and my weeping mother to get some air, and went to the one place I knew would make me feel better.
The library.
The books had always taken me to far-off places, away from my hovering mother, my weak heart, and all of the responsibility. Whether I read a romantic tale about a long-lost prince reclaiming his throne and seeking a wife, or I was reading about biology and the organs encased in the body, reading soothed me.
I turned the corner and yelped when I ran into Master Duncan.
“Sorry.” He reached out to steady me by grasping my shoulders. “How are you feeling?” He frowned.
There it was. The inevitable look of pity that came once someone knew of my condition.
