A whole kaleidoscope of emotions crossed Gage’s face then. Agony, horror, sadness, acceptance. Relief?
“I’ve done horrible things,” he croaked.
I shrugged. “So what? That was the past and this is—”
“I killed a Lumen once,” he said, and I quieted.
He’d never told me this before, and when I met his gaze there was so much shame there.
“She came at me, and I wasn’t sure if she was going to kill me or knock me out and… I stuck a blade in her gut to the hilt.” His voice shook and was hollow. “Every day since then I find myself wondering, was she someone’s wife? A mother? Did I take a child’s mother just as mine was taken?” His face was horrified, and tears lined my eyes.
“Something similar happened to me in the cemetery in England, remember? I killed that Shade guy in the fight with your dad. It was horrible and I wish it had never happened, but I had to forgive myself, and so do you. You were protecting yourself.”
“Was I?” He paused, but that wasn’t a question I knew the answer to.
“Why? Why did I pick the wrong side? Why did I choose to be a Shade after growing up and seeing how awful it was? Over money?” he ranted. “What good is money? It can’t buy health. It can’t buy respect, and it can’t buy love.”
I stepped closer and put my hand over his heart and he stiffened.
“How can you look at me? How can you love me?” he asked.
I gave him a lopsided grin. “Loving you is easy, you’re insanely good-looking.”
That got the chuckle I wanted out of him, but just as quickly as it arrived it was gone and he averted his gaze as if he wasn’t worthy of looking at me anymore. My heart squeezed.
“I knew the Shades were evil,” he said. “I hated my dad and I saw what being a Shade did to my mom. I chose them and it cost that Lumen her life.”
There was no getting around it. He killed a woman, that was true. “Yes. You can’t ever take that back, but do you know how many lives you saved when you called Lumen Academy to warn us of the portal opening?”
His breath caught, and even though he wasn’t looking at me, I saw a flicker of something deep in his gaze that gave me hope that I was getting through to him.
“Gage, there were children in there, scared teenagers who could have easily been killed had you not warned us ahead of time.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as that truth sank in. “I guess now I just try to make up for my mistakes.”
This time when I reached for him, he reached back for me too. “Andlet it go. Forgive yourself.”
He was quiet a beat and then looked at me. “Do you forgive me for kissing Claire in front of you?”
I growled. “No, that was super shitty. Thanks for reminding me of that.”
He grinned and stepped forward, capturing my mouth in a kiss. When he pulled back, he looked down at me with absolute adoration. “The one good thing I did was find you.”
Swoon.
“So, are you ready to see Cael?” I asked a little too eagerly.
He took in a deep breath, looked over at Skye standing far off in front of the opening in the concealment spell, and nodded. “I better get that cool weapons storage tattoo and some big-ass wings. I miss mine.”
I grinned, slipping my fingers into his and walking with him over to where Skye was waiting. As we neared, I looked out past the black web-like spell and over the beautiful water. It was sad to see what Apollyon had done to such a magical place.
When we reached her, Skye pointed to the opening in the black net spell. “I need you to create a portal to Avalon,” she told me.
My eyes widened. “I’ve never done that.” I’d only portaledhomefrom Avalon.
Skye nodded. “I know. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I will help you guide it to the right place with my soul magic.”
“Can you do that?” I started to panic.
