This was why he told Sage he was worried about finding someone to love him. He felt pressure to keep his family alive. Damn, that was quite a weight to carry.
I stepped closer to him. “What if you don’t find someone you love? Will you just choose Meredith to be safe?”
A slow grin pulled across his face. “I thought I just covered that, Demi. I’m in love withyou.”
The breath whooshed out of me like a kick in the gut. He said it so casually, so sure. I’d never met a man with so much confidence. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t fuck around going after it. That was why his mom was so worried if I was the one. Her lifedependedon me loving Sawyer back. Loving her son for the guy he was, not the Hudson heir or the alpha’s son.
Good thing she raised a gentleman, because the next six words were the easiest I’d ever said. “I’m in love with you too.” I laughed. “Holy shit, this is insane. I barely know you but I lov—” He crashed into me and captured my mouth in a kiss. My entire stomach did somersaults as he gripped my ass, hauling me onto him so that I was straddling him. My breath was ragged as he feathered my neck with kisses, trailing his tongue along my collarbone, and passion completely took over me. I grinded into him when he nipped my earlobe and heat exploded between my legs.
Sawyer walked us back to the bedroom and lay me gently on the bed, kissing my forehead. “I went mad when I heard you’d been taken.” He leaned down and pulled up my shirt, kissing my stomach. “I nearly killed Walsh for leaving you.” His hand slipped up my shirt, grasped my breast and all rational thought left me.
I should have stuck up for Walsh, who’d probably saved my life by getting help, but I couldn’t think. All I could think about was how badly I needed to be closer to Sawyer. I sat up and Sawyer backed off, watching me as I slowly pulled my shirt up and over my head. He watched me as I gradually unclipped my bra and his eyes went yellow.
With a grin, he grabbed my hands, laying me back down, and pinned them over my head. Slight panic flooded my system and I didn’t understand why. It was in such direct contrast to how I wanted to feel in this moment. When Sawyer placed his mouth over my nipple and sucked, keeping my hands pinned above me, I understood why.
“Let go!” I half shouted, trying to yank my hands free as a flashback hit me.
Sawyer immediately jumped off of me, looking down at me apologetically as I tried to drown out the vision of Vicon Drake pinning my arms above me and biting my breast, drinking from it.
“Shit, did I go too far? I’m sorry I just—”
Tears lined my eyes as I put on my t-shirt and then covered my face with my hands. I’d slept with one guy, Isaac the fey, after my virginity was stolen by rape, and it wassofucking awkward. I was so eager to prove to myself that I was sexually normal after my attack that I just lay there and prayed it would pass quickly. It did.
“I can’t be held down,” I told him, my face still in my hands.
Two warm hands grasped my forearms and peeled them away from my face, until I was staring at yellow eyes. “Did someone hurt you, Demi?” His voice was that scary half wolf growl.
I swallowed hard, releasing a deep sigh. “It’s my turn to tell you something.” I pulled my arms out of his and patted the bed.
His entire body was tense, jaw clenched as he sat next to me. “You can tell me anything. But first, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
The fact that he was being so sweet just made those half unshed tears pour over. “I’m fine, youdidn’thurt me. This is … an old emotional pain that resurfaced.”
He was silent, still, unreadable other than the yellow eyes that kept peeking out behind his lashes.
It was on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t ready, so I just sat there, trying not to think about that night. Other than Raven and my mom and dad, no one knew my story. It was something we all covered up at my request and tried to move on from. Sometimes burying old wounds worked and sometimes they rose up like zombies waking from the dead.
Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I spoke. “When I was fifteen, I went to a party in Vampire City…” I breathed.
His eyebrows rose like that was impossible and I nodded. “My best friend Raven and I snuck out with a vampire girl at Delphi and we went to a party with older guys.”
Those yellow eyes were back as he sat rigid next to me. “What happened?” he growled, but I knew that the anger wasn’t at me, it was at what he knew was about to come out of my mouth in the next sentence.
“I was gang raped by four vampires and left for dead—” I didn’t even finish my sentence before the splitting of seams ripped through the space and Sawyer shifted into his wolf. His clothes tore to tatters as his giant gray wolf landed on all fours and looked up at me with pained yellow eyes. Tears streamed down my face as his wolf leapt up from the ground and nuzzled my neck, placing his paws on my shoulders like a hug.
A soft wolfie hug.
A sob escaped me as I wrapped my arms around his giant furry wolf and held him closely. “I think that’s when my soul split. The cuffs, they kept me human, so I couldn’t fight back.” I tried to breathe to calm myself down, but my throat felt so tight as his wolf draped across my body like a blanket and I held him. “I don’t remember it. I mean I do, but in flashes, the before, a little of the during, and then way after. There was so much blood, three of the four guys were killed … it looked like an animal had attacked them, but now…” A cry ripped from my throat. “I think that my wolf somehow broke free and saved my life.” I had held this in for so long that now that it was out, I couldn’t stop the floodgates. “Shesavedme,” I wept, “and that’s why I am this way, that’s why I’m broken.”
I squeezed his wolf so tightly I was afraid I would break his ribs and reinjure him, but he just lay on top of me like a loyal animal therapy dog or something and let me get it all out. When he realized I was done, he licked the tears from my cheeks and I laughed. “Gross.”
He pushed off of me and started to shift back and I suddenly was nervous about seeing Sawyer in his human form after divulging all that. Telling a soft fluffy wolf your darkest secret was a lot different that a six-foot-six-inch-tall Adonis. Sawyer turned away and I caught a glimpse of his naked butt as he walked into his closet. He returned with basketball shorts and a t-shirt on.
When he reached me, I avoided eye contact as he fell to his knees before me. He was patient, waiting until I looked at him, and when I did I was shocked at the anger I saw in his eyes. I frowned, and he reached out and brushed a finger over my cheek. “Nothingabout you is broken.”
The tears were back as I realized I’d waited for a man I loved to hear my story and tell me that.
I just nodded.
