I wanted to be with Jenna again, or at least stop being without her. My twin sister being absent from this world was killing me.
Weakness pulled at my limbs. I was tired and this conversation was heavy.
“Don’t say that,” she all but growled, looking horrified.
Her fierce need to make me positive got on my last nerve then. “Millie, I think it’s time you go now. We’ve both come clean with our demons, or secrets, or whatever.”
She frowned like she expected my near-death experience to somehow instill in me a forgiveness for hergiantfucking lie.
“Okay … yeah. Your grandma is next door with your dad. I’ll pop over to him—”
“Millie, you don’t get it.” I shook my head. “I think you’re mentally unstable. I don’t want you around me or my family anymore, okay?”
It hurt a little to say it, I didn’t really mean it. I mean she was a little psycho but it was clear to see she was sweet and upset at my medical misfortune, but it felt good right then to take out my pain on her.
Her eyes widened at the words “mentally unstable,” and she reared her head back in shock, sitting up to her full height. “Oh … okay. Goodbye,Ashton.” She said my name with a good amount of bitterness that made me feel better. She was too perfect, too nice, too forgiving, smelled too good, fucked too good, kissed too good, cooked too good. I needed her out of my life.STAT.
Grabbing her purse, she reached the open doorway and looked back at me. “One more thing.” She drummed her nails on the rim of the door; even the hot mess that she was at this moment, she looked beautiful.
I tried to force a scowl, but my eyes crossed; I think that beeping was a morphine pump and I’d just been hit with the good stuff. “What?” I mumbled.
She peered sadly into my eyes with her giant blue puppy dog pout. “I think I’m in love with you.”
A fresh wave of pain squeezed my heart and then sleep took me.
Chapter 17
Millie
Julie and I stayed up all night talking, and crying; she begged me to get on the plane with her. She’d made an earlier flight after Ashton all but kicked her out. He’d asked me to leave too but I didn’t want to just close down the bar for weeks on end while he was sick.
“I can’t let his bar go down. I’m gonna run it just until he gets out of the hospital,” I told her as she got into her taxi.
I’d never forget the look she gave me. It was … like I’d just broken her heart but she was proud of me at the same time. “Oh, Millie, when is someone going to save you?”
When is someone going to save you…? Those words struck me like knives. I didn’t think she’d meant them to, but they did.
Now I sat at the bar, a few minutes before opening, with my head in my hands. How had things gone so wrong so fast? One second Ashton and I are about to have hot bar sex and the next his dad is falling through the window.
Now Wayne needed a liver transplant, Ashton knew my secret and wouldn’t talk to me, and I’d lost the first guy I truly cared about since Colin died.
With a sigh, I reached for a pen and paper, ready to write my last letter to Colin.
Dear Colin,
This will be my last letter to you.
I messed everything up. I came to Nashville to say goodbye to you and heal my heart. Instead, I’ll end up leaving in worse shape than when I got here. I’ll never forget you, Colin. Just because the letters stop doesn’t mean my memories of you will ever diminish. I still smile when I think of that day in Berkey Park.
I paused writing, a huge grin sweeping across my face as I remembered the proposal gone wrong. Colin had gotten the security guard to let him into the park after hours. He’d decorated the entire lawn with tealight lanterns and rose petals. Julie was hiding off in the trees recording, and then he got down on one knee and proposed to me.
Just as I was about to answer him, the sprinklers kicked on. We’d ran out of there laughing and screaming and soaking wet. I forgot to say yes until much later.
Colin, loving you was so easy. The kind of ease that comes with first love. Loving Ashton was like pulling teeth! But somehow, it went a bit deeper. He’s got more scars, more depth, more to lose, and that made me love him in a way I couldn’t ever love you. You and I were perfect, perfect love. Ashton and I were like tempered steel, constantly being put over the flame and pounded into new shapes, yet stronger with each strike.
I thought he was the one … I thought he might be the one to save me.
I hadn’t realized until now. I came to Nashville to say goodbye to you but I stayed to be saved, to save each other. I saw something in him that could fill the gaping hole you left behind.
