Somewhere in the quiet, in the muffled sounds we're making, I think of our agreement to be honest with each other so we don't make the same mistakes we made before.
"Don't go," I whisper, sliding into her. “Don’t ever leave my side again.” I look into her eyes, and in them I see my entire future.
Her nails scratch lightly down my back as she brushes a kiss on the corner of my mouth, and whispers words I will hear for the rest of my life.
"I was never going to."
Chapter 26
Autumn
My mom has gone downhill so quicklyI'm beginning to wonder if she was powering through just for my sake. If my heart weren't already smashed to bits, it would be broken by the thought of her soldiering through an outward appearance of being okay, only to collapse once she was on her own.
It has been two weeks since we were on the Strip in Vegas; now she can barely get out of bed. The helicopter ride Owen booked has been canceled. Every day I paste on a smile and go into her room, bring her meals she hardly touches, and read to her. She falls asleep by the second paragraph, and the marijuana has stopped helping with her appetite.
How did we get here so fast?
The hospice nurse comes once a day, checking her vitals and her meds. Owen has been sleeping here every night. He wants every last second he can get with her too. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and he’s not beside me. He’s checking her vitals, bringing her fluids, anything he can to make her comfortable.
This morning we both woke up early, the rising sun peeking into my room at an indecent time. We went for a walk, already needing to calm our minds even though we'd only been up for just enough time to have one cup of coffee each. We held hands and listened to the cacophony of birds as we strolled around my mom’s neighborhood.
Owen is off today, and tomorrow and we don't have plans other than to hang out around the house and see my mom during the precious minutes when she's awake.
I'm cleaning the countertops, the same countertops I cleaned twice yesterday, when Owen walks in from outside. The kitchen light illuminates beads of sweat in his hairline.
"Hot out there?" I bend to replace the cleaner in its spot under the counter, but think twice and pull it back out. I'll find something new to clean today. Cleaning is my yoga right now. I need it.
"Yeah. I think I've tightened every screw I can find on every piece of lawn furniture your mom owns. I've taken down the window screens and washed them. The steps have been power washed."
I laugh lightly. "Would you believe it's only ten in the morning?"
He places his sun-warmed lips on mine. "Almost time for a nap."
"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" My gaze flickers back toward my mom's room.
"Maybe she's in bed reading, hoping we don't check on her and interrupt her." Owen grins to show he's joking.
My lips tremble as I attempt a smile. She's been sleeping a little more each day, and eating a little less, and sometimes I'm scared to check on her for fear she will no longer be breathing.
Owen brushes a knuckle over my lips. "Why don't you give Livvie a call? Go out to lunch? The only place you've gone in two weeks is the grocery store."
I start to protest, but Owen stops me. "It's not going to hurt anything if you spend one hour enjoying yourself. If your mom was awake right now, she'd tell you to go."
I know he's right. Owen's still going to work, but me? I need to get out of this house for more than just a walk down every aisle at the grocery store. As long as I know my mom won’t be alone, I can manage an hour out.
I call Livvie and her voice is sleep-soaked. I've been up for so long I feel like I've already lived a whole day, and Livvie is just now waking.
"Good morning, sunshine," I say, and she groans. "Want to get lunch? Or brunch, I guess, since you probably want breakfast."
"Yes, I'm starving,” she moans.
I laugh. "I feel like that's always your response."
"I forget to eat, and then when I remember it's because my stomach is eating itself."
"Great, thanks for that visual."
She chuckles, and the sound is a little more like her normal tone, and a little less sleepy.
