"Mom, what is it?"
"The abortion … you had it because I was pushing you so hard to leave Sedona. You didn't want to disappoint me." She says this as if she’s had a sudden realization.
My head is shaking even before her sentence is finished. "No, Mom.No. Owen and I made that choice on our own, without anybody else, okay? Don’t blame yourself. You weren't the reason I decided not to have a baby."
She drops her hand from my cheek, appeased, but her eyes hold a flicker of doubt.
“Well, we should probably—” Her words are cut off by a retching noise as she tears her hand out of mine and falls forward.
“Mom!” I shout.
My mother falls on her knees, panting on all fours as the contents of her lunch come up onto the hiking trail.
She waves me off, wiping her mouth. “I’m okay. Chemo,” she whispers, as if this would pacify me.
It doesn’t.
“Should I call 911?” Why the fuck did I agree to this hike? My mom has an aggressive form of cancer and is undergoing chemo and we are acting like we're training for the Ironman.
My mom laughs, rocking back on her heels, and looks up at me. “No, baby, just give me some water and haul me up.”
God help me. This is her life now, falling over and vomiting in vortexes. It isn’t fair.
I pass her the water bottle and she takes a swig, swishing it in her mouth before spitting on the ground.
Next, I hook her under the armpits and haul her up.
Did my telling her about the abortion overwhelm her emotionally? Is that why she vomited?
Her gaze flicks to mine. “Autumn, stop it. I see you overanalyzing.” She points to my wrinkled forehead. “I’m fine. This is chemo. I’ll have a nap and be okay.”
I wind my fingers through hers and give her a nod. “Okay, Mom.”
“That was some powerful vortex energy,” she jokes, trying to force a smile out of me.
I don't know about vortex energy, but I definitely got more than I bargained for when I agreed to this hike.
* * *
We get backto my mom’s car and I find a missed call from Owen. There's also a text from him, so I open it up and read as my mom straps into the passenger seat.
I have an idea, and it might be my worst idea yet, but here goes... Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? Just as friends, obviously. Quit trying to lure me into dark shadows.
I smile at my phone. He's just as playful as he ever was. That was what got my attention in the first place when we were fifteen. I mean, yeah, his broad shoulders and messy hair drew me in, but when I saw how much of his personality was light and fun, like a curious puppy who could suddenly morph into a strong male, that's when I knew I was a goner.
My fingers fly over the keyboard, texting out my response.A girl does need to eat. And as I remember it, you're the one who kissed me first. I was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Three dots pop up automatically, then his message comes through.I'm sure you meant to say right place, right time.
The muscles in my upper thighs clench. My legs cross at the ankles and I pull them in as far as the confines of the sedan will allow, trying to get control of myself. Could Owen and I ever have another loving and trusting relationship? I have no idea. But could we have some amazing sex? Yes, yes, we could.
A quick glance at my mom tells me she hasn't noticed my sudden change—thankfully. I start the car and pull out onto the road that leads back to our house.
I have to change the tone of the conversation before I spontaneously combust.Pick me up at six?I shootthe text back, before dropping my phone in my lap.
Owen must pick up on my change, because he responds in the same vein.See you then.
"Is that Owen?" Mom asks, and I can tell from her voice that she’s sleepy.
