I tossed the shotgun and a box of shells into the vehicle, and then proceeded to pace the room. “What else we got?”
I found a roll of duct tape and shoved that in the vehicle too, because duct tape fixed everything, right? Along with some flares and a screwdriver, all of which went into a dusty duffle bag.
Alright, bugout vehicle packed. Bring on the apocalypse.
Struck with a random urge to pee, I slipped back into the cabin, noting that almost no light was shining under the doors or through the blinds now.
Oh great. Nothing good happened at night when you were in a world with flying chimera camels. Slipping into the bathroom, I sat and gave a sigh of relief. “Gotta stay off Mommy’s bladder, baby girl,” I told her, and she kicked to signal she heard me.
#SuperGeniusBaby
I was mid-pee, pants and undies around my ankles, when I heard a scratching sound coming from the living room.
Oh no. Being attacked by a flying camel while half naked was not ideal. I quickly wiped and yanked up my pants just as a crash shattered through the night.
Fuck!Why did I leave the shotgun in the safe room? No one was going to put me on their zombie apocalypse team—I was screwing this up big-time.
The baby squirmed and I patted my belly. “We got this,” I murmured, all the while searching the bathroom for a weapon. Eyeing the toilet plunger, I figured it was better than nothing and grabbed it.
A loud screech came from the living room and I knew that my friendly stay in this cabin was over. Tightening my grip on the toilet plunger, I decided to make a run for it. First thing I had to do was get the sins, then I’d throw the plunger at whatever was screeching, giving me moments to drag the trunk to the four-wheeler before peace-ing out of here. Easy peasy.
Cronus, where the fuck are you?
With a battle cry, I ran out into the living room and froze the second my eyes landed on the hideous beast before me.Oh gods. It was uglier and more terrifying up close. Its camel face had scales, giving it a half dragon look.
“I’m chill if you’re chill,” I told him in a low voice as I slowly edged my way toward the sins. No matter what happened, I could not leave that behind.
The creature cocked his head to the side, those large beady eyes narrowing to slits as he stepped forward. His nostrils flared as he sniffed the air.
“I want you to know I’m a vegetarian and I love animals.” I reached the trunk, shoved the necklace in my pocket, grabbing the edge of the box. “I also taste like tofu. No need to eat me.”
The beast’s lips curled, which was absolutely terrifying on an animal’s face. Smoke started to puff from his mouth as saliva dripped from his lips.
Fuck. That.
“Go away!” I shouted, chucking the toilet plunger at his face. He tracked the movement with his eyes and opened his mouth, spraying a stream of fire, incinerating the plunger mid-air.
Okay, baby, now would be good for some of that light beam magic.
Adrenaline made me strong. I yanked the trunk up and booked it for the open door to the safe room. The beast screeched again, and I held out my free hand and pointed it at him.
“Fuck off!” A burst of light shot from my palm and slammed him right in the face. His body flew backward into the wall, smashing into the windows and sending shards of glass everywhere.
Yes!Shimmying the trunk into the vehicle while also protecting my baby bump was a challenge, but I was determined. Once everything was situated and I was behind the wheel, I hit the button only to realize there was no way to drive out of here…
Why couldn’t they have put this thing in a garage with roll-up doors or something?
The second I had that thought, the door blew off its hinges and I reached behind me to grab the shotgun. Cranking it open, I saw two shells inside.
There was a thump on the roof of the house and my heart hammered in my chest as the camel-dragon-lion burst into the room with two friends behind him.
Time to get the hell out of dodge.
I had no idea how to drive. Like, I lived by the beach with Uber and a nine walking score. Who needed a car? But I sure as fuck wasn’t letting that stop me now. Without another worry, I jammed my foot on the gas and prayed the walls of this room were paper thin. My plan was to crash through it and hopefully not knock myself out … just like the movies.
With a lurch, the vehicle burst forward and I braced myself as it smashed into the wood paneling, splintering it around me, but not stopping us from zooming off into the warm night air.
Thank you, universe.
