When I broke for air, I found myself stealing glances at Ethan. Watching him tend the grill, I wondered what kind of lover he would be. Fast? Hard? I doubted it. If he could promise me that we could sleep together casually and no one would get hurt, I would peel off this red bikini and take him right here. But no one could promise that and I wasn’t sure I could survive another trauma to my heart.
He never had girls over.
He’d never raised his voice to me.
He was always there when I asked.
He’d made me breakfast and had given me a rose.
Ethan King was a fucking good guy from what I could see, and that was dangerous for me. I could fall into the arms of a good guy and let him patch me up; I could be safe and trust and love a good guy. And then when the good guy broke up with me, I wouldn’t survive it. Not like I survived Bryce. It was easy to get over Bryce. We’d been over for a long time. He was an abusive sadistic monster whom I hadn’t loved for years. But a good guy? A good guy would wreck me.
My walls came up then. Up and down, up and down, that’s how they worked. I didn’t want to be broken again, I couldn’t let this attraction to Ethan damage me when I was so fragile.
“Burgers’ ready!” Ethan called, and Angela swam over to me while Cody popped out of the pool.
“Hey, Cody just invited me to the movies later. You working?”
I nodded. “But have fun.” I tried to smile. Smiling was fake when my walls were fully up.
We walked over to the table and Ethan asked me what I wanted on my burger while he delicately added cheese and light ketchup at my request. Because that’s what good guys did. He made Angela’s burger too.
“How long have you guys known each other?” Angela asked the boys as she tucked into her burger.
Cody was my age. He placed an arm around Ethan. “I’ve known this fool since I was fifteen. He invited me to a Kings club meeting in his dad’s garage. Kept me from joining a gang.”
Ethan gave him a slight smile. “Yet you still managed to get arrested on New Year’s Eve.”
Cody cracked up. “Why you gotta bring that shit up? The pig was asking for it.”
Ethan side-glanced his buddy with a grin, dark hair tousled wildly.
Angela playfully smacked Cody’s shoulder. “What did you do?”
Cody gave a noncommittal shrug. “I may or may not have peed on a cop’s car.”
We all busted up laughing.
“That was stupid,” I joked.
Cody nodded. “I was so hammered and he was talking shit about my bike.”
Ethan took a bite of burger but continued to watch his friend with mischievous eyes. “You knocked out the bail jar for a solid year with that one, bro.”
I put my hand out. “Hold up. You have a bail jar?”
Both boys shared a knowing look. “Part of the monthly club dues go into a legal fund. AKA the bail jar for whichever idiot needs it next.”
“Have you needed it?” I chuckled.
Silence descended between the two men and I immediately regretted my question. Cody stared at his burger awkwardly and Ethan looked right at me with the most serious face I’d ever seen. His mouth was slack and he looked despondent.
“Once,” he said finally.
Angela and I were silent. My stupid mouth … who asks questions like that? Oh, hey, so … any felonies? He was the leader of a biker gang. Of course he’d been to jail.
“But I’m not proud of it,” he added.
The question of what he’d gotten arrested for was burning a hole in my tongue, but I bit it down and changed the subject. “I’m doing my first blood draw next week. Pretty nervous.”
