Just a little longer. Ignore the sunshine because the night isn’t done.
“I feel kind of cheated,” I say, plucking the words out of thin air. I intertwine my fingers with his.
His features relax as he presses his mouth to my knuckles, his tone playful as he asks, “Cheated how?”
“If only I’d known you look like a pirate in the morning ...” I take advantage of his closeness to press my hand to the dark shadow accentuating the hollows of his cheeks and lips.
“A pirate?” he purrs in question. “Just say the word, and I’ll plunder your booty.”
A chuckle stutters from my chest.God, I’ll miss his terrible jokes.
“Fine,” he says, snuggling closer. “I’ll settle for a cuddle.”
A cuddle sounds like a heavenly kind of torture. But I say nothing else as his arm loops around me, hauling me closer. I become the small spoon to his big one. Orladlewould be a more accurate description.
“This is nice.” I sigh deeply, sinking into the feeling of his body and the comfort of his hand pressed to my bump. Touch is a human need. That’s what Ava, my old neighbor, said. And I’ve been starving myself.But not for no purposewhispers in my head.
The night isn’t over. Go away, sunshine.I close my eyes tight, allowing myself to hang on to this moment for a little longer. But the tears still well and fall, making tiny puddles on the pillow.
You can hurt for the ones you love—that’s what this experience has taught me. My heart isn’t breaking for nothing. It’s breaking for him.I’m just sorry I’ll have to hurt you,I whisper silently, tightening my arm over his.So, so sorry.
“Nice doesn’t cover it,” he murmurs, unaware of my sudden torrent of turmoil as he gathers my hair to one side, brushing hislips lightly across my nape. “It’s perfect. This is a perfect moment in time. Because you’re here. And you’re perfect for me.”
My heart suddenly feels as though it’s bleeding, blood and hurt spilling from it unseen and soaking into the sheets. I’m the opposite of perfect—the antithesis to it. My lies aren’t spoken but ones of omission. If he knew what I’ve done in the name of hate, he wouldn’t want me anywhere near him—anywhere near our child.
My imperfections are many, and—my heart plummets. Oh, my God! My selfish heart! I crossed a line last night, the one I swore I wouldn’t. This little one isn’t even here, and I’m already breaking my promises to her.
What kind of mother will I make? A mother like mine, one who’ll cause a lifetime of pain.
“You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.”
“No fucking good.”
“You couldn’t even make your daddy stay.”
I begin to push Matt’s arm away. I swore I’d never be like her, like my mother. But maybe the apple didn’t really fall far from the tree.
“Stop.” Matt presses the reprimand to my cheek, his hold on me tightening. “Whatever’s going on in that head of yours needs to stop, because I’m not letting you go.”
I say his name. It sounds like a plea as my fingers tighten on his arm, as though I could transfer my thoughts and fears, make him understand by touch. “You don’t know me.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“You only see what you want to see, because you’re too good.”
“Good. Nice.” There’s an edge to his words as his teeth graze my earlobe. “I thought I would’ve convinced you otherwise last night. Convinced youthoroughly. I wasn’t being nice, and I wasn’t being gentlemanly, when I pushed you to your knees. Or when Ipainted my adoration over these.” He palms my breasts, rolling the hardened buds of my nipples between his fingertips.
This time, his name is all sigh and no protest, the pleasured pain of his touch drowning everything else out.
“It’s possession, Ryan. I want you. Want to keep you. And I will, because the truth of it is, I already own a part of you. Just as you own a part of me.” His hand slips between my legs, pleasure coiling instantly at the connection, my mind going hazy around the edges.
“If you think we’re going back to how things were, you’re wrong. I know you’re worried, that you’re scared, but just be with me. Time will work out the rest.”
My traitorous clit gives a needy pulse as his fingers find it, my body convulsing with his slippery pinch.
“You’re in my life and in my head, darlin’. Don’t try to tell me I’m alone in that.”
I reach up behind me, pulling his mouth to my neck, the brush of his stubble setting me aflame. I want this. I want him. Now and always. But I’ll settle for what I can steal right now.
