“I swear, if I need a vagina reconstruction after this, you’re paying for it.”
“Okay.”
“What?” The word bounds from her mouth.
“If that’s what you want, but I think it’s only fair I should keep an eye on your vagina as part of the proceedings. What’s with the gasp? You saidvaginafirst.”
“It’s not your use of the word!”
“It can’t be my perfectly respectable offer.”
“You think?” Hearing her laugh is such good medicine.
“I’d just check in. Periodically. Or maybe a daily debriefing might be better. You know, seeing as you’re concerned about it.”
“I didn’t say I was concerned, but I might be now.”
“I think it’s good idea, keepin’ an eye on your undercarriage.”Ah, fuck.I almost slap myself. Talk about unsexy.
“I’m not a car! Also, I don’t remember reading any of those suggestions in the literature from the clinic. Surely the doctor would’ve mentioned something like that, don’t you think?”
“I’m not sold on that doctor,” I say. Grumble.Bitch?
“I thought you said he was the most sought-after obstetrician in Europe—that he delivers all the royal babies.”
“So I was told.” He does come highly recommended. “There was something not quite right about him. Something off.”
“If byoffyou meangorgeous, then yeah. Agreed.”
“You noticed that.”
“Hard not to. But I would never date a doctor. The God complex does nothing for me.”
“Right. Well ...” This is fun.Not.She’s treating me more like a fucking girlfriend.
“Was there anything else?”
“Yeah, I called to say I’ll be home about seven. I thought I could bring us some dinner. Anything you fancy? Thai? Mexican? Ethiopian?”
“I’m good, thanks. I’m kind of beat. I’m gonna take a shower and turn in early. See you tomorrow maybe?”
“Sure.” My spirits immediately sink.
“And don’t forget to send me your bank deets, okay?”
“Yeah, all right,” I say in a tone I’ve heard my father use when worn down by my mother. “Wait—don’t hang up.”
“What?”
“Steak or sushi?”
“I just said I—besides, I can’t eat sushi.” Her excuses fall quickly, her tone slightly panicked. And I don’t think I’m imagining it.
“On July nineteenth, which would you pick?”
“Why?”
“Play along,” I say. Cajole. “Gotta make the most of my opportunities in getting to know you.”I’m a patient man, Ryan. But feck knows you’re taking every opportunity to hold me at arm’s length.
