“I’m so grateful. Some artists wait a lifetime for—”
“Tod!” I bark this time.
“Yes, Mr. Deveraux?” His pale lashes flutter rapidly, and whatever I was about to say dissolves.It would be like kicking a fucking dog.
“Don’t mention it,” I mutter gruffly. “Ever. Again.”
“I just…” His gaze dips, and I cast my eyes heavenward. I swear, if this dick starts to cry, I’ll give him something to cry for. Like a black eye. “I was set on hating you, but I just can’t.”
“I recommend it, Tod. In fact, be my guest,” I add with a flourish. Join the horde.
“No, I can’t. And not just because of your generosity.” He folds his arms across his chest, his fingers disappearing at his armpits. His shoulders lift, his posture hunching as he seems to fold in on himself. “I can’t hate you and have N… Lavender in my life.”
“I’m sure Lavender won’t hold it against you, either.” She’d probably encourage it. After all, sometimes she doesn’t like me herself.
“She married you,” he says sadly. “And I told myself that she did it for me—to save me. But I see now that it doesn’t matter why she did because I’ve missed my chance.”
“Your chance at what?” But I already know the answer. I see it as plain as the hawk nose on his face. He loves her. This man loves my wife, and I feel sorry for the bastard.
“It’s going to be fucking rotten, I know,” he says, carrying on like he doesn’t hear me. Like he doesn’t need me to witness this, his admission. “And it’ll be painful seeing you together, but I have to be okay with it because of her. For her.”
“Tod, listen—”
“Please let me finish,” he says, those sad eyes flicking up. “I think I was waiting, that I couldn’t tell her I love her, not when she’s so accomplished. I had nothing to offer her. But I was hoping tonight would change all that. And it has,” he adds with an unhappy-looking smile. “I’ve had my first taste of success, and it’s so bittersweet. Why couldn’t you have just stumbled across my work? Bought it and left me the girl?”
The next time I say his name, I don’t hold back. In fact, I grab him by his neck. Again.The back of it, this time.
“Listen to me, Tod. You never had a chance, not from the minute I set eyes on her. But let me tell you, if you think you’ll utter a word of this to my wife, if you think I’ll let you fucking upset her, you are fucking mistaken. Got it?”
“I’m not going to—”
“I’m still speaking,” I growl, giving him a shake to rattle the cotton out of his ears. “You tell her, and I will crush you, Tod. I will make your life a living hell.”
“I-I won’t,” he stutters, wide-eyed and kind of terrified.
“You have some flawed fucking logic, my friend.” Like I’d buy his art for anyone else but her. “The only time that’s perfect is that you take for yourself, and your time with Lavender has passed. If you wanna to keep working here, you want to be a part of her life, you keep your hands and your eyes to yourself. And you keep those words in your mouth. Got it?”
“Yes.”
“If she finds out I bought your shit here tonight, you and I are gonna have a very serious conversation.”
“She won’t hear it from me.”
“Good. The alternative is I buy you a new suitcase, but you won’t be going on vacation. You understand?”
29
LAVENDER
“Well, look at you.”
At that frighteningly familiar tone, I freeze. I hate myself for doing this as my shoulders hunch and my stomach turns watery with something like fear.
Just a reflex. You’re fine. You’re not alone.
“You’ve had some glow up, girl.” The arsehole snaps his fingers a few times and make an“mm, mm, mmm,”sound. He always did think he was street when he’s more Home Counties. Villages greens and Norman-era churches, country homes, and the conformist middle classes. His parents are so lovely, I used to wonder where he got his mean streak from.
I put the tray of glasses down on the concrete counter and raise my eyes. Like a wave, images rush at me. His chest over my face. The sick grin he’d flashed as I tried to push him from me. I swallow the gore that shoots up my throat, but the ball of panic stops it from fully receding.
