‘So, what happened in the end?’ Daisy eventually asks.
‘The lovely Kirsty suggested he get the train to Edinburgh to meet her. She had the house to herself as her parents were away for the weekend.’
‘She promised him the sexy times?’
‘She may have promised him multiple sexy times. And he told me he was seeing an old mate in Edinburgh for the weekend, so like a dutiful girlfriend, I went to Kings Cross station with him, where he held me in his arms and gave me longest kiss. He told me he’d miss me, and that he couldn’t wait until he was back. Then he hopped on the train and blew me kisses through the window as the train pulled out of the station. And the devil was in those details.’
‘What a devious shit. What a total bastard!’
‘He was an unhappy bastard when I called him once the train was about an hour out of Edinburgh. I told him that Kirsty was a creation of mine, and that he hadn’t much chance of finding anywhere to stay at ten o’clock at night on the weekend of Edinburgh Fringe. Then I hung up and laughed my bloody head off. It was the kind of overly bright, manic kind of laughter. The kind that inevitably turns to tears. But they were also cathartic. And a vow, if you like. And I’ve never let a man hurt me since.’
That’s...’ a little sad, I want to say, but I don’t. And for the life of me, I can’t find anything else to add.
‘That’s life.’ Vee stands suddenly, holding her hand out of my phone. ‘Let me see this wanker banker from DeHoare, then. See if he makes my serial killer senses tingle.’
I dutifully pick up my phone and open the app before handing it to her.
‘Jeremy. He’s not bad looking. And he doesn’t look at all germy.’
‘He looks perfectly boring,’ I suggest, because after Archer’s dramatic looks and Barney’s resemblance to a good-looking hound, I thought I’d better go with unremarkable.
‘You’re set on this?’
‘As a course of action? Yes. Stuck on him?’ I look down at my phone to how I’ve somehow swiped my way unconsciously to Archer’s text. ‘No. I’m not stuck on him.’
Because how can I be?
23
Heather
What if theperson who turns up isn’t the person whose profile it is, and I get catfished?
Or what if he isn’t five years older and five inches shorter, but ten?
Or even, what if he’s five years younger than me? Some kid who’s gotten a hold of his philandering father’s phone, and he’s on his way to punish me for his progenitor’s misdeeds?
I’m so caught up in my stupid panicking that I almost birth kittens from sheer shock as my phone buzzes with a text, my body immediately releasing relief endorphins as I convince myself he isn’t coming.
Stop letting your mind run away with you,Vivi’s text reads, proving how well she knows me.Remember, I’m going to call in thirty minutes.
This call was prearranged and mainly agreed to as a way of making Vee feel a little better about my choices. But thank bloody fuck I gave in, I decide as another wave of relief washes over me. The plan is, she’ll ask how it’s going and if I need blue lighting out of there, I’m to say, “No, not Auntie Nelly!” And she’ll order me a cab to be there straight away.
Neither of us have an Aunt Nelly, so I don’t mind us faking her death.
Got it,I text back, my phone immediately binging with another text.
We love and support whatever you do.
This from Daisy and followed by a dozen kisses. I guess this is friend speak for: you’re an arsehole, but we’re going to let this one play out. And the kisses? Please report back; we have popcorn.
I place my phone on the table and pick up my drink; a wine and soda spritzer. It’s not exactly hip or chic but more like the kind of alcoholic beverage that wouldn’t get a twelve-year-old drunk.
Good God, why did I think I could do this again?
Suck it up. You’re a grown-up who wants a real grown-up relationship, that’s why.
Well, I am a grown-up. One with sticky palms and prickle of dread and perspiration dancing down her spine.I hope my blouse doesn’t have damp patches,I unhelpfully think as I surreptitiously glance down at my pits. It’s not even warm in this pub, but I’m sweating while also wishing I’d brought my armour-plated cardigan rather than the pale boat necked sweater I’m wearing paired with cigarette pants.
