I could’ve gone with cock succour. That would’ve been so much worse.
‘I’m just telling you like it is,’ I reply evenly. ‘Date me and you suddenly become approachable. Dump me and you become fair game. Blokes dropping by to dazzle you as they casually drop their BMW keys on your desk. And whether you want them or not, cock shots galore on your phone.’
10
Heather
‘Why areyou looking at me like that?’
‘It’s not a look. It’s a smoulder.’
We’ve moved inside, ostensibly to follow the canapés when really it was the champagne I was in need of after Archer’s revelation. Not the cock shot thing, but the possibility that I might have somehow misunderstood Haydn’s behaviour. I feel weird about the whole thing even though I’m still unconvinced.
‘Do you think it’s his version of pulling my pigtails?’
‘When I give you my best hot look, it’s not supposed to inspire you to talk about another man.’
‘Haydn isn’t another man. He’s a source of annoyance. A figure of loathing.’ And now also a source of confusion. ‘Well?’
‘I suppose you could say that antagonising you makes him less vulnerable than telling you how he feels.’ Even she doesn’t look convinced. ‘It might be his way of giving you attention without opening himself up to rejection.’
‘Well, his version of playground teasing is more like being tripped over so he can stomp on my head.’
‘Of course, the other way to look at it might be negging.’
‘Which is?’
‘A gaming term, for dating, not Xbox. It’s where men, and by men, I mean dickheads, deliberately make negative comments as a way of emotionally manipulating a woman to undermine her confidence with the thought that it’ll somehow enhance her need for her manipulator’s approval.’
‘That sounds...’
‘Abhorrent?’ Archer offers. ‘Ridiculous? Stunted? Skeevy and a whole lot of other adjectives that have yet been invented. Some people will believe anything they read on the internet from so-called experts.’
‘Romance experts?’ My head rears back, my expression probably allwhat the fuck?
‘I wouldn’t call them dating experts. In fact, I wouldn’t call them any kind of expert.’
‘Because it sounds like such a winning strategy. “How did you meet Grandpa Haydn, Jammy? Well, once upon a time, I was working for him, and he called me all the names under the sun. It was love at first insult”.’
‘Jammy?’ Archer puts his glass to his mouth, his eyes dancing above it.
‘It’s what I called my grandmother. How come I’m telling you all about me and you’re managing to keep your secrets?’
‘Because I’m enigmatic.’
‘Oh, was that your smoulder again, or should you have brought your specs? I can’t really tell.’
His lips twitch at my teasing, but he doesn’t give in. ‘Heather, you know I’m imagining peeling you out of your knickers.’
Something hot and sweet bursts and melts inside me.
‘And I don’t think I’m the only one.’
‘Ha!’ I bark out a laugh, covering it with my hand.
‘You think that’s funny?’ But even he’s smiling. One of those sexy-half numbers that makes him look as though his head is full of wicked thoughts. I try to resist wondering what kind of thoughts as I continue with my stance of being both unimpressed and amused at his absurdity. ‘No, you’re just deflecting. Hiding.’
Has it suddenly become very hot in here?
