‘She can sexually harass me any day of the week.’
‘No, she can’t, and if you get caught saying this kind of shit, you’ll be toast, mate.’ If I had a crystal ball, I’d foresee a trip to HR for Jay in the not-too-distant future, possibly some kind of sensitivity training shortly following.
‘Me and her, Arch? We’d be all fights and make-up sex, I can tell.’
She’s certainly feisty. I thought it was just me she didn’t like. But at least she wouldn’t need a box to stand on if they’re going to argue face to face because the pair are roughly the same height.
‘So ask her out.’ Unfair, I know. Because he doesn’t stand a chance. It might even be why I’m suggesting it, safe in the knowledge that she’s not for the likes of him. I doubt she even knows his name. Come to think of it, I was shocked she knew my name last night, though she remembered well enough that she didn’t like me.
Which reminds me; I owe Jay a slap already. Another one on top of the one he just earned.
‘Ow! What was that for?’ he asks, rubbing the back of his head.
‘That’s for making me look like a complete plonker by calling her Holly.’ I make my way over to the other side of the table, pulling out the proposal we’re supposed to be running through.
‘You called Heather Holly? When?’
‘Last night. I saw her when I was out, and I couldn’t remember her name.’
‘How’s that my fault?’ he asks, his tone high and aggrieved.
‘Because since I’ve started working here, you’ve been calling her Hezza.’ What the fuck for, I’m not sure. ‘And then last night, my mind drew a blank.’ Holly was the only name I could think of beginning with an H.
‘Arch.’ Jay’s face suddenly lights up like a Christmas tree. ‘Did you hit that last night? Please say yes, then tell me all the details. I bet she was as hot as fuck, wasn’t she? Did she make you do kinky shit, tie you up and shit?’
‘Do your mum and dad know about your addiction toFifty Shades?Is it just the books you like, or do you make the bald man cry while watching the movie, too?’
‘Fifty Shades isn’t my dad’s thing. Or mine,’ he adds quickly, and then, ‘Oh, I get it. The bald man.’ He points to his crotch. ‘I thought you were talking about my old man, but what you were really asking is if I do the old manual override.’
I didn’t need the visual aid of a him wanking an invisible air dick.
‘Jay, you know these walls are glass, right?’
‘Relax, no one’s looking. And stop winding me up. Last night, did you play hide the sausage? Did you penis her vagina?’
I groan like I’m in pain, my head dropping between my shoulder blades as Jay begins to bend his invisible girlfriend over the desk before beginning to bang her.
‘You arsehole.’ I drop into a chair but not before chucking a Sharpie at his head. He’s got some rabid fucking zeal.
If I ever did get lucky with Heather, which is highly unlikely, he’d be the last person I’d tell. I think it’s fair to say that to get anywhere near her knickers, I’d have to be the last man standing. Maybe after a zombie apocalypse because up until last night, the only time she’d really looked at me was when I’d asked her to pass me my coffee cup when she was standing in front of the sink. I’d caught her disdainful look, and I remember the way she’d held her breath when she’d passed it to me, as if my presence was offensive. She looked as though she’d have rather touched my prostate than engage in a conversation. But then last night, she’d given me a whole other vibe, almost as if she might be fun. The kind of combative fun. All fights and make-up sex.
Really? Could it be that—
‘How could Hezza be short for Holly?’ Jay asks as I push the thought away.
Last night, that wasn’t a come-on, was it?
‘Oi. Where’d you come up with Holly?’
The marker sails my way, and I catch it.
‘I froze, okay?’ Mainly because of who I was there with. Clara caught me off guard when she asked if I could spare her a little time to talk about the business on her last day. As it happened, I knew I’d be on the other side of the city. I didn’t think for one minute that daddy’s little princess would schlep all the way out there to talk about her career path. And I was right. In one sense, at least. We’d met, we’d had a drink, we talked for a while, and then she’d hit on me, which was good for my ego but pretty shit for hers. ‘Holly was the first name that came into my head.’
‘She has that effect on me, too.’
But it wasn’t that—I wasn’t dazzled by Heather. Surprised to see her, sure. A little shocked and a little wary. I nearly tripped over myself when she’d turned and smiled at me because the only time I’d ever seen her smile before was when there was a donut or a piece of cake about. But she’d smiled, engaged, and got a little sassy, and God knows I’m a bit of a sucker for a little sass. Not that our interaction is going anywhere. It was just a bit of out-of-office banter because no matter how pretty she is, I don’t date women I work with. Not anymore.
‘Where did you get Hezza from, anyway?’
