37
Miranda
I feellike I’m underwater. Sounds are muted and indistinct, colour, too. I’m being dragged under. Down. My limbs heavy as my heart is squeezed tight.
‘Mir.’
At my name, the sounds come rushing back. Warm hands clasp my cheek, Heather’s worried expression looming large in my gaze.
‘I’m not going to fall apart.’ I’m not sure if the room agrees with me, the pale walls behind my cousin’s head swimming. ‘I need to stay strong.’ Eyes wide, I tilt my chin and I stare at the ceiling to ward off the sensations still pulling at me.
‘Of course you’re not,’ she agrees softly. ‘That’s not you.’
‘Right, I’m here.’ Olivia skitters down the last couple of stairs. Jeans, jumper, and boots, her wedding makeup giving her the air of a painted doll.
‘You can’t leave your wedding. The Guests.’ I wave ineffectually in the direction of the garden, the same hand pressed to my forehead as I try to process what the caller had said.
Miranda, my name is Thomas Harrison. I’m James’s father. I’m at the hospital. I’m afraid there’s been an accident.
‘Don’t be silly. Of course I can. We’re already married, this was just an excuse for a party. Heather, will you find my Gran? Tell her what’s happened. Then get Griff to follow us to St George’s. We’ll go ahead with Mir. Is that okay?’
I don’t answer, not as Beckett appears, traveling swiftly and almost silently down the same staircase. He’s still in his wedding suit, car keys in hand.
‘Which one’s Griff.’ Heather sounds so young, and her eyes are as wide as saucers.
‘Gran will point him out. Remind her he’s the cheeky one. Tell her she’s in charge. She probably have them all drunk and singing karaoke before we’re out of the drive.’
‘Ready?’ Beckett’s voice is all business, but my knees are all mush. I curl my fingers around the edge of the table even as I nod. How can anyone prepare for this?
I think I’m going to puke.
‘Did he say what happened?
‘A—’ I cough and force back the rising bile. ‘Just that he’d had a car accident and that he was at St George’s Hospital.’
When did it happen? What was I doing while he was being whisked away in an ambulance? How could I not have known?
‘That the best place they could take him. The trauma unit is first class. Come on.’ Without waiting, he strides for the door.
Heth presses her lips to my cheek hard. I’ll be there soon. Kick his butt for me for frightening us all.’ I nod and wonder why it is people say such ridiculous things. Comfort, obviously. To ward off anything else. Her eyes glisten as she dashes off in the direction of the party, swiping her hand across her face.
Olivia take my arm and we head in the opposite direction a Beckett begins to yell at the twenty-something valet to start moving cars. I sourced the valet company. I arranged for two attendants to park cars and one to man the keys. But I couldn’t have anticipated this. The chaos as cars are reversed onto garden beds to make just enough space for us to leave.
Beckett’s car smells of leather and that new car scent. The seatbelt embraces me, keeping me in the moment.
Was he wearing his seatbelt?A montage of moments pass through my head as I try to work it out. I know it’s a ridiculous thought—these days, who doesn’t?—but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it anyway.’
‘You’ve been seeing Harry for a while, then?’ From the front of the car, Olivia twist in her seat to face me.
‘Three months.’ The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. This is patently not true, unlesstogethermeansgestating.
‘Oh.’ An oh that meanswhy didn’t you say?
‘It was just a fling. I didn’t ever know James and Beckett were friends.’ I can hear my voice getting higher and it feels like there’s a fist squeezing my heart. ‘Not until later. And by then—’
‘Miranda.’ Beckett’s gaze catches mine in the rear view mirror. ‘Breathe.’ At the sound of his instruction, I find myself inhaling a lungful of air. ‘You must try to calm down. This isn’t good for either of you.’
He’s right. Of course he’s right.Pull yourself together.This baby feeds off your emotions.But I don’t even know if that’s true. Is should have read those bloody baby books. As my heart suffers another awful squeeze, I take another deep breath.
