‘I-I think I have a pretty good handle on what this is.’ Her gaze slides away, her expression not quite pensive, but maybe preparing what she has to say. ‘I came to the truth, my truth, after a lot of soul searching and being in my own head. Could I do this? And what would it say about me if I did?’
I don’t speak but rather wait for her answers.
‘You’re looking at me like I’m a butterfly stuck under a piece of glass.’
‘Am I? I suppose I’m just trying to work out what conclusion you came to.’ While wondering if she’ll back out. No. She’s come this far.
‘I decided it doesn’t have to be black and white. Life is full of grey areas and lurking shadows. I decided that everyone does have a price—everyone.’
‘Just as the moon orbits the Earth, and the Earth reacts likewise to the sun’s gravitational pull, I’m sure more worthy truths will never be put into words.’
‘But what I also decided is that while you may have found my price, my price isn’t my worth.’
‘Congratulations.’ I raise my glass and toast the strength in her words. ‘As the aphorism goes; everyone wants to be a diamond, but few are willing to accept the cut.’
Olivia is a prize I will never deserve.
Deserve? Not.
Have? Certainly.
‘Would you like dessert?’ I ask in a careless tone. ‘Or are you ready to go back to the hotel?’
Chapter 21
OLIVIA
The car journey back to the hotel is tense. Or maybe that’s just me. And maybe tense isn’t the right word for the way I feel. I’m not exactly nervous but more excited. Jumpy and a little on edge.
Or maybe I just want to jump on him.
We don’t speak, and I dare not open my mouth for fear of where it might end. And I don’t mean with words but in actions. In destinations. In the places I want to test and taste. Don’t ask me why or how. I still don’t fully understand how I can be here today under these conditions and still want him like this.
‘This car has a privacy screen,’ Beckett murmurs as though reading my thoughts. His hand reaches out, his fingers entwining with my own.
‘Don’t even think about it,’ I whisper back, turning to the darkened passenger window.
‘Why not? You were.’ Strange how I can hear the smirk in his words without even having to look. ‘There might be some symmetry in it,’ he suggests. Or dares.
I turn back to face him again. ‘You want the first time this happens to be in the back of a car? Maybe Reggie was right. Maybe you do have a fetish.’
‘I’m just teasing,’ he protests.
‘Such a boy.’
He reaches out to cup my cheek, bringing my face closer to his as he whispers, ‘But this manisgoing to fuck you in the car sometime soon.’ My insides begin to pulse in response to the image his declaration paints. ‘And you’re going to beg me to make it happen.’
‘Don’t build your hopes up too high,’ I whisper back as I slowly pull away. The push and pull, the taunt and the challenge—it’s like our foreplay. ‘The contract said consummation. In my mind, that happens just once.’
‘We’ll see,’ he purrs smugly as I turn back to my evening view.
‘Fun Olivia fact for you.’ I rub my lips together nervously as, a little later, we make our way to the elevator. I don’t know what’s making me more nervous; being in the tight scary space with Beckett or what will follow afterwards. ‘I hate these things; elevators, I mean.’ I bury my nose in my bouquet as if I could hide from him.
‘I know.’ The doors open, and he takes my hands as we step into the empty compartment. ‘Heather told me the day I turned up in your office.’
‘Heather.’ I pull an unhappy face in an effort to fight my smile. ‘Don’t laugh. Her social media skills are vast. Plus, she doesn’t cost me a lot of money, payroll-wise.’
‘I wouldn’t presume to make fun of your talent management skills,’ he replies, tugging me closer and wrapping his hands loosely around my waist. It’s like we’re already familiar with the ebb and flow of the other’s body. Sure, the cocktails have helped, but it seems more than that, almost as though it’s on a cellular level.
