Page 56 of To Have and Hate


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‘I wish you would have. It might have saved me from arguing with an unpleasant Indian lady who insisted my case was hers.’

‘I see you won,’ he answers, moving adroitly to one side before taking my suitcase out of my hand.Manners maketh the man-devil and all that.He leans down to kiss my cheek, his lips landing on my neck just below my ear. His breath is a puff of warm air that makes me shiver. I somehow expect him to put his hands on me to turn me to face him as he kisses me properly. But whatever drove him to react to me like he did inside of his office seems to have been turned off as he straightens and begins striding towards the exit.

‘Either that or I’ll be getting married in a sari.’ I jog a couple of steps in order to keep up with him.

‘This is why you should never travel with anything but carry-on luggage.’ I note he ignores my remark, his body language unchanged as he chooses not to react.

‘Spoken just like a man.’

‘A man left waiting far too long.’

Outside, the arrival of Beckett’s car is timed to perfection as if the universe wouldn’t dare to offer him anything less. My bags are stowed in the trunk, passenger doors close with a satisfyingclunk, and I find the air a cool respite to the summer heat. And then we’re on our way into the city.

‘How’s your trip so far?’ Check me out, being all civil and polite and stuff.

‘Busy. Fruitful. Warm.’

‘That’s good.’

‘How was your flight?’ Check him and his pleasantries out. Time to turn up the niceness.

‘Ah-mazing,’ I reply, all wide smiles.

‘Really?’

I giggle. ‘Raleigh? Like the city?’ Because, seriously. That’s what it sounded like he just said.

‘What’s going on?’ He shoots me a sideways glance.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re. .. happy. It’s unusual.’

‘If you knew me, you’d know it’s only unusual around you.’ My retort is biting, which is exactly how his body reacts, stiffening as though I had my teeth around his wrist. It’s a flickering response, usual service resumed almost immediately.

‘I’m not sure how I feel about this version of you,’ he murmurs, reaching into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

‘Well, you’d better get used to it,’ I sort of sing, fixing a smile back onto my face. Because I’m going to win this happiness thing. I’m going to kill him with kindness, even if I die doing it myself. ‘I’m happy. Just happy.’

‘If you don’t mind, I have a few messages to catch up on.’ While unfailingly polite, his reply is not without a coating of ice. And as for caring, it would be a shame if I did because he does it anyway.

‘Oh, sure.’ Unsure of the success in our exchange, I turn my head to the passenger window to watch the city crawl by. The last time I visited New York, I was a kid, and it had been a family trip. We visited some distant relatives upstate, and I think we came to see some show off Broadway. The one distinct memory I have is standing on the sidewalk, one of my small hands in a grow-ups while my other was flat to my ear, reacting to the street noise. Vibrant and frenetic might be cool when you’re old enough to appreciate it, but when you’re knee high to those around you, it’s not so much fun.

Traffic. People. Lights. Noise.

Cracking open the window, I’m instantly overwhelmed by the sounds and smells. It’s almost as though I remember, but I can’t see how that could be. A mouth-watering aroma of garlic on one corner gave way to something vile on the next. The noise and the traffic, they all serve to distract me from why I’m really here.

‘I’m going to drop you off at the hotel. Do you think you might be ready to leave by three?’

Notake a little time to recuperate from your flight, Olivia. Orhave a nap and I’ll see you this evening for dinner.

I look down at my own phone, check the time, and shrug. ‘Sure. Where are we going?’

‘To take care of the reason for your visit.’

Well, damn.

It goes without saying that Beckett wouldn’t stay anywhere but the very best, but this hotel? Another level. A liveried doorman and a red carpeted path herald the tone. I take the man’s hand with the sense of being very much out of time and place. I step from the car and look up. Amongst the glass and steel, the building stands like a sentinel of the old world order.