‘No one gave me a hickey! And I’m pleased Jorge isn’t in the office right now, or he’d be making very serious noises about sexual harassment in the workplace.’
‘He’d love a little sexual harassment, if you ask me,’ Heather pipes up. ‘He could probably do with it.’
‘Enough of that.’ Pointing a finger at the young girl, I feel like a decrepit old killjoy and the morality police all rolled into one. ‘No one wants to be sexually harassed.’ Besides, that’s how you end up with an expensive lawsuit.
‘It’s true, though,’ Heather grumbles.
When I was growing up, we had a little terrier called Fred. The thing used to bark terribly and for no reason, and when Mom told him off, he’d slink back to his basket, but always with one last little bark or growl as he climbed in. That’s what Heather is like. She justhasto have the last word.
‘He’d love a little bit of touchy-feely harassment. Especially if it was from you.’
‘Heather,’ I almost cry. ‘Can we just leave it? It’s not fair to Jorge, and quite frankly, I’m not comfortable having this conversation.’
‘All I’m trying to say is that we all know you were... doing whatever last night. And we all know what the scarf is for. Jorge, too. And because he has a crush on you, he’s taken a half day to deal with his little bit of heartbreak.’
I just don’t have the energy for this.
‘You really think that’s the case?’ Because I’d hate to have upset him. And for him to throw a bug in the system. Although this is Jorge we’re talking about and not me, I suppose.
‘Yes, that’s really the case. But sod him. Come on, who gave you the hickey? Was it that hot piece of manliness who was here last week? The venture capitalist?’
‘No comment.’ I wiggle my mouse, my laptop springing to life again.
‘That suit,’ she says with a dreamy sigh. ‘He was throwing out mega levels of BDE.’
I don’t want to ask. Really, I don’t. But I also don’t like feeling as if I’m missing out or behind.
‘Okay.’ I lean back in my chair. ‘I’ll bite. What does BDE stand for?’
‘Seriously?’ Mir replies.
‘Yes,’ I answer withering, then decide I must be hanging around with Beckett too much. And that’s not going to improve over the next six months.
‘Big. Dick. Energy,’ Heather answers in a deep bass, punctuating each word with a thrust of her hips.
‘And you were checking out his... package?’ I don’t think I like the sound of that, either as her boss or as his soon-to-be wife.Shoot me now. I don’t want to be the jealous type. I don’t even want to be his wife!
‘BDE isn’t about dick size,’ Miranda cuts in. ‘It’s more like an aura. A presence. A life force.’
‘It’s an attitude or the energy you give out,’ Heather argues. ‘And you don’t have to have a dick to have BDE, it’s totally non-gendered. You’ve got a BDE, boss-babe,’ she adds in a lighter tone. ‘But that aside, I bet really he does.’
‘Really does what?’
‘Have a mega dong.’
‘Don’t expect me to answer that because I don’t know,’ I add in a quick save. Strictly speaking, that’s true. He might’ve used a prosthetic, and that might’ve been an eggplant I was riding yesterday afternoon. But I don’t think so.
‘Hmm. What do you reckon, Heather?’
‘I reckon mega dong is the name of your favourite vibrator.’
‘That’s enough. Settle down. I’ve got a whole heap of work to do before my flight.’
So I might not have jumped when he clicked his fingers. I am, however, flying out the following day. Alone. And as I received my ticket by courier earlier, I know I’m going business class. Which sweetens the slightly bitter pill, making it grapefruit bitter rather than anything gross and medicinal.
‘I hope your mum gets well soon,’ Heather adds sincerely.
I nod and fix a sad expression on my face.Don’t think about the free champagne.And yes, it’s all for effect. There’s nothing wrong with my mom as far as I know. I’m just covering my ass and telling lies.
