‘We’re not talking about my shortcomings, though I will say nice girls don’t hold any interest for me.’ His eyes roam over me in a lazy sort of appraisal. ‘They’re so predictable. And such a letdown in bed. You, on the other hand. You’d be the opposite. I can tell.’ My cheeks heat, a dark pulse beginning to beat between my legs. Where the hell did that all come from? ‘Does that shock you? Knowing that I want to fuck you?’
I swallow thickly. ‘What you want doesn’t interest me.’
‘See? Cruel. You’re not nice. Not even one little bit.’
‘You deserve it. You’re, like, an incitement to violence.’
‘So I’ve been told.’ He picks up his glass. ‘Many times. Tell the truth, Olivia. How goes yourrealdating life.’
‘I think I frighten men off.’ The level of relief I feel at the admission is ridiculous. ‘Other than Luke. He’s the first man who’s shown any interest in...’ I blow out a breath. ‘A long while.’
‘The man who still sees you as the girl he met in university?’
‘I suppose.’ My gaze dips to my napkin as I shrug.
‘And why do you suppose he’s allowed to think of you that way? If you’re not that person anymore.’
‘I am that person. With him, at least.’
‘And with others?’
‘I’m nice to my friends.’ It sounds like an excuse or a protest. ‘And to people, in general.’ I always try to be nice. And I’m fiercely protective of the people I love.
‘But not to men.’
‘Men so don’t like the chase.’ I find my expression twisting. ‘Be it in a coffee shop, be it on a train or a plane, or even in a vibrant city bar, my prickly outer shell seems to put every man within fifty meters off.’ And there’s the heart of the problem. I don’t know if men like the chase because I rarely get to that point. ‘It’s not like I mean to be mean. When a handsome man asks me if I’d like a drink, I’m really not the bitch that seems to crawl out of my mouth. You’re doing that weird staring thing again.’
‘Am I?’
‘Like you’re trying to see into my head.’
‘Perhaps it’s because I find it hard to believe you don’t mean to be rude.’
I sigh heavily. ‘Sometimes, I don’t even have to speak to frighten them off. I seem to be able to do it from across a room. A friend only has to point out that a man is staring my way or trying to catch my attention, and the bitch appears. It might be a disdainful look or a narrowed stare that keeps them from approaching me. It’s no wonder I’ve barely dated since college.’
‘It’s because they’re not worthy of you.’
‘Oh, really?’ And yes, I sound amused.
The waiter chooses that moment to appear like a wraith, ready to clear the plates.
‘If you’ll excuse me,’ I murmur, pushing back my chair with a sudden haste.
Chapter 6
OLIVIA
Why would I tell him all that stuff? I made myself sound like a complete basket case, wrapped in bitch.
The bathrooms in this place? Urgh, so hard to find! But thankfully, my risotto seems to have soaked up the alcohol, so at least I’m not lurching around the place like a sailor on leave as I make my escape. My reflection, however, paints another story. I look like a woman who can’t drink a bottle of champagne without getting completely shitfaced. Mascara has gathered in the outer corner of my eyes, giving me a kind of sultry or slutty look.I can’t quite decide.My lip-gloss has entirely worn off, and my hair is back to its regular programming of frizz. Though, in all fairness, that’s less the fault of the champagne’s effervescent bubbles and more to do with my walk through the humid evening.
But this physical inspection is just a way to stop introspection because I’m not really going to go home with him, am I? Sure, he’s handsome and smart in that razor-sharp way, but razors have edges that often cause pain. I’ve found myself saying things to him that I haven’t thought through or examined properly.Or maybe they’re more like things I try not to think.What must I have sounded like complaining I couldn’t attract a man?
Desperate, I decide. I sounded desperate.
‘Oh, God,’ I say to my flushed reflection. ‘I’ve pretty much confirmed I need to get laid.’
The door bangs open, and an elderly woman dressed more for a rave than retirement bustles in.
