‘But I wanted you, had to have you. But you came to me from him.’ I look at her then. Those mossy green depths betraying nothing.
‘That’s not how it happened,’ she answers, her tone soft.
‘Yes, it is. You said so yourself. You’d waited so long for him to be available and you thought that night he was. And then I stumbled in.’
‘You hardly stumbled.’ A laugh, short and sharp. ‘I doubt you’ve stumbled your whole life.’
‘Yes, because my whole life is an exercise in perfection.’
‘No, because your whole life is an exercise in control. You want to control everything around you. Including me.’
‘Control is an obsession. An alternative to addiction, or perhaps an acceptable one.’
‘You can’t live your life like that.’
‘There are more harmful things to be addicted to.’ Like you. ‘But we were talking about Luke. What did he say to you earlier?’
‘That’s still none of your business.’
‘Whatever he said has confused you. I can see it in your face.’ Taste it, almost. ‘But perhaps it takes a manipulator to truly know one. You see, behind that boyish charm, Luke isn’t the man you think he is. I doubt he was ever that man, even back at university. He plays people, women in particular, for no other reason than kicks. He’s quite simply a narcissist. He was playing you and I had to be sure you weren’t going to let him.’
‘So you manipulated me into marrying you.’ A statement, not a question. ‘Did you think you were protecting me?’
‘Not in the least. But Luke would’ve fucked you. Played with you a little before moving on, leaving E-Volve to go under. However, with me you got payback, plus your business was saved. I was honest about my plans. I was my true authentic self, as they say over on Instagram.’
‘You were—are—the devil.’
‘I didn’t promise I would be anyone else. And I didn’t promise anything I couldn’t deliver.’ I didn’t promise you love. Because you deserve so much better than my devotion.
‘So you just decided I was better off being manipulated by you.’ I’d expected anger, not coldness. Horror, not resignation. ‘Does playing God get you off?’
‘I haven’t heard you complain about the compensation yet. Any of it.’
‘I’m sure that makes sense in that screwy head of yours,’ she says, reaching for the door handle, ‘but you’ll have to forgive me because it makes no sense in mine.’
‘Stop.’
‘Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, just inside the house. I’d like to drink a cup of hot tea then get into bed. Alone. I’m sure the contract didn’t explicitly mention us sharing a bed.’
‘I’m not finished yet.’ With a sigh, her hand slips away, her spine connecting with the leather again.
‘You promised me six months.’
‘It’s all in the contract.’ She sighs wearily.
‘JBW became mine this week.’
‘What?’ She sits straighter, in the dim light, her gaze whips to mine. ‘How?’
‘I think Luke’s stepfather is preparing to leave his wife. It’s what I assume has compelled him to sell quickly.’ And at a good price.
‘And you didn’t tell me because you’re keeping his secret?’
‘How can you be so oblivious?’ The truth will set you free? I don’t think so, but it’s flying fast. ‘I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d leave me. And I’m not ready for that, Olivia. You can’t leave me.’
I have never felt as vulnerable as I do right now. More vulnerable than being arrested and subsequently spending a night in the custody suite of Paddington police station, more vulnerable even than entering rehab. And it is sickening. I feel shame and yet a strange sense of relief. Because she hasn’t run screaming. And she doesn’t look like she’s about to as I watch conflicting impulses come into existence and fade as they play across her beautiful face. And then she’s leaning forward, cupping my cheeks in her hands, her lips a soft slide against mine.
‘I get it. And it’s okay to feel vulnerable. It’s okay to be—’
