‘Fuck other people. But not really, unless y’all aren’t monogamous. But their opinions don’t count. All that matters is thatyou knowyou’re far too principled to be that person.’
If only she knew. But she won’t. Because this is a secret I’ll carry to my grave. I suddenly feel like shit for projecting this on her. But at least I don’t have friends or family nearby to continually fool. Beckett might not have family, but he does have friends. Friends I’ve yet to meet. Friends he says he’s known forever and that, for my sake, it’s best we avoid meeting them. I guess he fears my crappy acting skills. But avoiding them is easy given they’re grown men with busy schedules. There’s been no occasion to step over their sprawled legs while they drink beer and playing video games in Beckett’s den, thankfully.
‘It’s your life, babe. Only you get to live it.’
‘I know.’ God, don’t I know it. But it would be good if I could stop fucking it up somehow.
‘Sounds like you’re having a rough day.’
I sigh and tip back my head to stare at the stained ceiling. ‘I was just thinking that we’ve been together three months now. This is usually the stage in a relationship that things are falling apart, or else couples are declaring their love.’
‘So your timeline is accelerated. So what? I knew I loved Josh within a week of meeting him. We moved in together after only a month. You and me? We’re just both a little ahead of the curve.’
Nope, I’m right on the curve, performance as it should be at this three month mark. I’m just not declaring my love because there’s no space for such declarations in our marriage. This isn’t the contract he signed me to. And as for accelerated, she’s closer than she understands. In less than three months this will be over.
‘Anyway, who makes these rules?’ Her voice brings me from my melancholy thought back into the moment. ‘Dumb internet quizzes andCosmoarticles. Your relationship will follow its own path, regardless of what so called internet experts say. ‘Now, are you gonna to answer my original question; how’s it going? How areyoudoing?’ Her words are carefully spoken but sincere.
‘I’m good. It’s going... good. I guess it’s just a little overwhelming at times.’
‘Like when you have to turn on the gold faucet to brush your teeth? But seriously, of course it’s overwhelming, relationships are hard. It’s like they take on a life of their own and are almost a whole other entity, when before there was only you to think about. Now there’s you and there’s him and then there’s your relationship and a million thoughts about those three things.’
A million is right. A million in my bank accounts.
‘I’m just in a funk. Don’t mind me, Reg. I’m just having one of those days.’
‘Oh-oh. Time to stock up on the chocolate?’
‘That’s probably it.’
‘I hope he’s the kind that’ll go out in the middle of the night to buy tampons.’
‘I’ll have to report back to you on that one.’ He probably has some online concierge service he’d pay to do it for him.
‘Can I just say, this magazine spread? You lookhot. Marriage suits you. Makes you radiant, girl.’
‘They brought in a stylist.’ My reply is accompanied by a chuckle as I glance at the magazine cover and the photograph of the Duchess of Cambridge. Nowshelooks radiant.
‘You can’t style the way you were looking at him. And no amount of makeup could paint the expression Beckett was wearing while looking at you.’
‘You think?’
‘Oh, I do. I’m calling it theBeckett effect,’
‘He is easy on the eyes.’
‘No, it’s not about how he looks, it’s how he makes you feel. The love shining from your face? As clear as the nose onmyface. And you know I have a nose.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with your nose,’ I scoff.
‘Nothing a good plastic surgeon couldn’t fix, you mean. But you tell me I’m not reading that picture right,’ she dares.
‘He makes me feel good.’ A lot of different kinds of good. ‘And other times he makes me feel like I could happily murder him.’
‘Passionate.’ She draws out the word on so many syllables, her tone all bedroomy.
‘Sometimes. And other times he just makes me feel... ’ My answer is a sigh as my thumb brushes the stones on my pendant.
‘Attraction is supposed to increase and decrease with how they make us feel. We can all appreciate the sight of a rocking hot bod or a handsome face, but the way they make us feel is the key to how much we dig them.’
