‘Maybe,’ I counter quietly. ‘Love makes us do mad things sometimes.’
‘I was crazy,’ she whispers, her finger reaching out to trace the pocket on my shirt. ‘I we.. . we had,almost had, a baby.’A miscarriage, maybe?
‘How is this something I don’t know?’ I wished I could swallow the words back. What an arsehole. What a selfish prick—what the fuck has it to do with me until she says?
‘No one knows. After we split up, I pretty much cut everyone from that time out of my life. I didn’t have him, and I didn’t have my baby, and he... he’s just moved on. Like nothing happened. I saw him today. He’s married, and he has a family. A beautiful family.’ She shakes her head, her next words seeming apropos of nothing. ‘His son is called Freddie. I think that hurt me more than seeing him. Why does he get to move on and I’m stuck?’
‘You’re not stuck, babe. You’re amazing.’ She doesn’t seem to hear me, or maybe she isn’t listening. ‘Why does this son’s name piss you off?’
‘Because he stole my name,’ she mumbles.
‘I didn’t know you were called Freddie.’ I feel her smile weakly at my words, and as I push the fallen hair from her face, I place my lips on her head.
‘I’ll never be able to use it now,’ she whispers.
‘It’s a pretty shit name, babe. I don’t think I want a son with a name like that.’ My lips freeze on her head as I wonder where that came from.Way to drag out the caveman, Flynn.
‘Why would you call your son Freddie?’ she asks, not latching onto the meaning behind my words—the words that caused a strange sensation in my chest. And those words? They lead to images. Things I’d never thought of until now.
Chastity, her gaze soft and belly swollen. Chastity with our child in her arms.
Fuck.The idea is crazy and exciting. I’ve always wanted kids. I’ve just never—
She twists her head, giving me her swollen eyes and sombre gaze.
‘Are you still in love with him?’ I almost don’t want to ask, apprehensive that I might hear something I’m not ready to hear. But as she shakes her head, I find myself releasing a heavy breath.
‘I’m sorry you lost a baby, and I’m sorry you’ve carried this on your own.’ You’re not alone now. You have me.
‘I couldn’t talk about it,’ she says, her words barely a squeak. ‘Not since. I’ve never told anyone—I was barely pregnant. I’d only just found out. One minute, we were wondering how a baby would fit into our lives, and the next, I was being rushed to surgery.’
‘I’m so sorry, babe.’ I wrap my arms around her and crush her to my chest as though the power of my arms holding her could bear her pain instead. ‘So fuckin’ sorry.’
‘It was an ectopic pregnancy. Emergency surgery. I might’ve died.’
‘Fuck.’ I can’t keep saying I’m sorry, even if I am. ‘You must’ve been terrified. I’m so pleased you didn’t die.’ She huffs out a short laugh again. ‘I mean it, Chastity. I’m out of my fucking head on you. I’d give you a dozen Freddies right now just to see you smile.’ And I would. I haven’t even fucked her today, but the sight of her smile, however weak, shoots my veins with the same endorphins.I’m high on the girl.
‘You don’t even like kids.’
‘Just a fuckin’ minute.’ Hands on her shoulders, I push her away a little just to see her expression. ‘Where’d you get that idea from?’
‘The day at the pub. You said—’
‘Come on. I say a lot of shit.’ It’s true. ‘Especially when I’m trying to get an invitation to your undies.’
‘You said you’d make a great uncle.’
‘That’s true. And I do. My older brother, Byron, has a couple of the little fuckers. But I want kids. I just needed to find the woman mad enough to put up with my arse to have them with. Looks like you’re it.’ She doesn’t look convinced.
‘Then why did you say that? Why did you look so horrified?’
‘Firstly, it’s not the kind of thing a single bloke runs around saying—go on, let me fill you with my babies!’
‘Actually, that sounds like one of your pickup lines.’ She bites her lip to stifle a smile.
‘And second, I really liked you. I didn’t want to frighten you off because you weren’t giving off baby vibes. You have your business, and you’re always so straight, when you were fully dressed, at least. And you don’t go around kissing babies and pulling kooky, gooey faces.’
‘No, but I’m always the first to offer to hold little ones to give mums a break.’
