‘Yes, but the point of continuing with the booking was so we could hang out.’
‘And nothing at all to do with not being able to get a refund on the place?’
‘That’s... true, also. But how can we hang out when you’ve ditched me at the last minute?’
‘I have a sneaking suspicion you’ll have a fabulous time without me, darling. Just... try not to be so grumpy. What happened to the sweet girl I used to know?’
‘Life happened.’ London happened. I used to love the frenetic pace of the city, but lately, I’ve begun to feel like I’m trapped on one of those moving walkways you find in airports. One I can’t get off. Even if I’m standing still, it drags me along. I have a soul-sucking job in marketing where I’m basically an indentured servant—my employers don’t seem to have heard of the forty-eight-hour workweek, or even the seventy-hour workweek. I have a heap of work to do over the next four days because I don’t think they’ve heard of holidays, either. In fact, this week will be the longest vacation I’ve taken in my three years withDickhead, Bitch, and Bigger Dick, Esq.
Add to that, I have a love life that’s become a bit of a standing joke in my social circle. Notice how I don’t really call them friends? God, living in London has turned me into a shrew. I used to be a nice person, honestly!
‘For the record,’ I add with a forced calm, ‘I’m not angry that you couldn’t make it. I’m angry that you only told me today. And also, not to be ungrateful, but domestic business class isn’t really business class at all.’
‘I’ve created a monster,’ he says so theatrically I can actually hear his pout.His plush, derma-filled pout.‘But something came up last minute—’
‘You’ve not been popping Viagra pills again?’
‘I shan’t deign to answer that scurrilous accusation. But I will say there are plans in the works to make this up to you.’
My response is stuck somewhere between a huff and a growl. I really did need him here this weekend even if his apology gifts are amazing. The last time we quarrelled, he treated us both to a spa weekend in Ibiza, but I’d swap any holiday right now for someone to show me how to clear this windscreen.
‘Wait until you see what I have planned,’ he adds a little giddily. ‘It totes trumps having me in there complaining about the weather and provincial wedding fashions. I’d absolutely cramp your style.’
‘How would you be cramping my style? Clare was expecting me to turn up with my boyfriend—’
‘You weren’t seriously expecting me to play straight?’
‘As if you even could.’ By his own admission, Mo is as camp as a row of pink tents. ‘No, I called her yesterday and explained that a family emergency meant my actual boyfriend—’
‘Oscar,’ he offers, adding quickly, ‘sorry,he-who-shall-not-be-named.’
‘Yes,him. Well, I told her he wouldn’t be coming with me, and that I’d be bringing you instead.’
‘Your fictitious boyfriends’ pretend granny died? Can you hear how ridic that sounds?’
‘Not as ridic as a grown man saying ridic. And he’s not fictitious. He’s an ex.’
‘It’s still a little convoluted, sweetie.’
‘Look, I wasn’t about to tell her the truth, and my mouth just sort of ... ran away with me!’ Exasperation adds to the tightening of my shoulders.
‘What I don’t understand is why you just didn’t say you’d dumped him or vice versa?’
‘Oh, yes because that’s so much better, isn’t it? Hey, Clare, my latest in my long line of relationships had come to a sad but familiar end. Yep, sad old Izzy can’t keep a boyfriend even though almost all her old-school friends have already settled down. And now, it looks like I can’t keep friends, either, thanks to you. So as well as looking like a complete sado having being ditched by my best friend, I also won’t be able to get off with anyone—not without cheating on my fictitious fluffing boyfriend!’
‘I love being your best friend.’
‘I’m rearranging the list as we speak.’
For a big guy, Mo has the most girlish laughter.Laughter I don’t take offence to.Usually. ‘I have complete confidence that I’ll be back at the top of the list soon.’
Easily, because he’s it. Instead, I say, ‘Why? What have you done?’
‘You’ll just have to wait and see, and I’m absolutelynottickled hearing you’ve been hoisted by your own petard.’
‘Well, thank you once again for your care and understanding.’
‘Oh, absolutely. I’m a rock.’
