‘We hung out and I... slept over. The usual stuff.’ Ducking my head toward the bucket, I concentrate on the foam.
‘So fluidswereinvolved. Where’s he from? First though, was I right, is he any good?’
‘God, yes!’ I blurt, choosing to answer the final question from the barrage.
‘Good on ‘ya, girl! Delish, so he is!’
‘How was the rest of your night?’ I try to steer her onto another conversational path, uncomfortable with how far she’ll want to go down this one. Niamh doesn’t generally gush, unless she has something of her own to tell. Speaking of which, why hasn’t she shared?
‘Nothing like yours, more’s the pity,’ she answers. ‘Judging by your dress, I’d say you didn’t get far, geographically speaking, at least. Where’d you go? Did you stay at the hotel or go to his place? Come on, I’m fit to burst!’
‘It’s been laundered,’ I murmur, plucking invisible lint from the buttons. ‘It’s a nice hotel. The rooms are very... plush. And they seemed nice, by the way, your friends from last night. Apart from that girl from brunch, Jen, was it? Though she wasn’t too much of a cow last night.’
‘Plush rooms is it?’ She eyes me knowingly. ‘And cow’s too nice a word for what Jen is. Let’s just say if you are what you eat, that girl’s a cock.’
‘Definitely not a friend, then?’ I say with a laugh.
‘Not even close. She made a play for Matt while you were at the bar, you know.’
‘Really? I didn’t see, not that it matters. It’s not like we’re together or anything.’
‘That’s not the point. Anyone with eyes could see Matt was making a play for you.’ If by play, she means making drunken lunges, maybe. ‘She’s got no feckin’ boundaries,’ Niamh grumbles.
‘Is she really that bad?’
‘Well, I’m not saying she puts it about, but her favourite shade of lipstick is penis, if you know what I mean.’
Niamh sometimes cracks me up. She’d make a great caustic comedienne. I wonder if Jen owns Perspex stripper heels?
‘He’s a free agent,’ I reply, aware it sounds like I’m defending Jen.
‘He was seriously uninterested. In fact, I think his answer was something like “if he’d a bag full of willies, he wouldn’t give her one” ’.
‘No way, he did not!’
Sounds more like something Niamh would say. Matt didn’t strike me as the offensive kind, not that I can honestly say I like Jen.
‘Ah, you’re right. He wasn’t drunk then. Anyway, he declined the invitation to her knickers with more kindness than she deserved.’ Niamh picks up her cup. ‘She’d lie down in nettles for it, that one. Stop changing the subject and get on with it. Tell me he’s hung like a horse.’
I cough and splutter latte across the table. ‘Niamh, what the hell!’ I can’t help but laugh as I snort foam, despite catching unimpressed looks from a couple at a nearby table. I’m pleased to see the teenagers have already left.
‘I’ll take that as an answer in the affirmative,’ she says slyly, handing me a napkin. ‘A teacher, isn’t he?’
‘Take it how you like, I’m saying nothing. And don’t you have your own tales of hot from last night?’
‘Oh, that.’ She sighs protractedly. ‘It was a nightmare, actually.’ Leaning back in the chair, she folds her arms across her chest. ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’
‘What happened? Was he rubbish?’
‘Didn’t get that far. Remember what I said about Matt being able to hold his booze?’ Her mouth twists in distaste.
‘Oh, he did not!’
‘Oh,contraire. We got as far as your building when he hurled all over me new shoes. What are you gawking at, it’s true!’
I burst out laughing. I can’t help it but hold a hand over my mouth. ‘And you said he wouldn’t—’
‘It’s my shoes he ruined, not yours! Night, too. I had to go home. Couldn’t face it after that.’
