His hands retract, making quick work of his pants and the remainder of his clothes. My body stiffens as I hear the familiar tear of foil—a condom; something we haven’t used in a while. Does he not trust that I’m telling the truth?
‘Here’s what I think, kitten.’ His hands move to the seat of the chair between my legs, the fingers of one hand sliding down the crease between my butt cheeks. ‘Intellectually, I can appreciate everything you’ve said, but the animal in me is unmoved. You really should’ve given me time to cool down.’
The head of his cock touches the round of my arse as he slides on the condom, his thumbs then between my cheeks.As though to break open a peach. It all happens so fast, I can’t process his actions. Can’t tie them in with his words, but as something cold and wet coats the cleft of my arse, my body stiffens, and I try to scoot away.
Some knowledge is instinctual rather than cerebral.
‘Rememberkhallas?’ His voice is strained, control cracking in delivery.
‘Yes, but—’
‘The animal in me is unmoved. Thehusbandin me feels cheated. And as your husband, I want the only bit of virginity you have left.’
What? Though I’d lead a pretty sheltered sexual existence until I’d met this man,thatboat sailed a long time ag—ooh.
‘N-fuck—get off, Kai!’ I begin to pull against my silk bonds, his words beginning to make sickening sense, as at the same time, from the deep recesses of my mind, Niamh’s words float free.
Messy sex is sometimes wonderful, sometimes a pain in the arse, quite literally.
‘No?’ he grates out in response. ‘Then you know the word.’ His expression is seven kinds of sinful smiling back at me through the glass. ‘You wanted to atone, and sweetheart, I want this.’ His knees dip, hips rolling into my rigid body. ‘Mihajik. I need you. Need this.’
I’m not sure I’m up for this; despite reluctantly enjoying the small suggestion of play Kai introduced me to in Brisbane. I try to move forward, not getting very far, distance-wise, before Kai slides himself between my legs, the head of his cock suddenly gliding through my folds and nudging my clit. I whimper—libidinously—it sounds like encouragement, delicious sparking sensations coursing through my limbs.
My hands scrabble for purchase against the chair as he fills me in one long stroke. One hand curled around my hip, Kai brings his other to my clit, the heel of his palm pushed against me. His thrusts are slow at first, before gathering momentum, but never quite giving me what I need. Short strokes—short of where I need him to be, my clit alternately rubbed by his palm and pinched between slippery fingers.
‘You. Want. This.’ Three words and three sharp thrusts. I call out as he hits the spot that ensures I’m tumbling over that precipice of no return. Unravelling further as what I guess is his thumb presses at my other opening—the exit only ramp.
‘Kai, don’t. I—’ My voice is quiet, more air than words and I can feel my whole body tightening. Tightening against the pressure of his thumb, yes, but I’m also very close to coming, too far past the point of no return.
‘You know the word.’ His voice is low and controlled as he drives deeply inside, holding me there—holding me against that unseen edge. My legs turn almost liquid beneath him as he takes the opportunity of my contracting muscles to slide his thumb inside.
Oh, he’s done this before...
My body stills immediately, still but for the pulsing between my legs. I’m panting and squirming, his cock unmoving inside me, his breath hitting me heavy from behind. His free hand follows the contours of my spine, and he places one soft kiss against my shoulder as his thumb withdraws. ‘Remember to breathe, kitten. And you’ll be okay.’
Why does that sound slightly mocking?
‘F-fine.’ Even if I can’t look him in the eye.
‘If you don’t want to do this, you need to say. Before it’s too late.’
‘No.’ Don’t know what I’m talking about, more like. But I feel I need to stay the course. So far it’s not too bad. In fact, it’s a little more of the opposite.
‘You know, bravery and foolishness are often confused. It’s a fool that displays no fear. Bravery can be measured in a tremble.’ His hand ghosts my hip. ‘By the wavering of your voice.’
I try not to swallow again. Yes, so I’m shaking a little bit. I bet he would be, too.
‘No. I’m good,’ I reply in the affirmative, surprised how adamant those words sound.
‘You’re always good, kitten. Even when you’re being bad.’
And with that, he begins again, his cock pushing inside me, as his thumb presses once more against my arse. Before long, both appendages are pressing forwards and sliding backwards, working in tandem—working me in tandem.I feel so conflicted—it feels so damned dirty, and also sort of alien, physically, at least.Or at least for the first few thrusts. The actions quickly becoming sort of seductive and illicit, almost.
Unfortunately, at the other end of my spinal cord, things aren’t as easily addressed. My brain kicks into overdrive even as the sensations begin to mount, a familiar destination dawning on the horizon.
Dirty can be good, right?
Dirty can be good; until my brain begins pushing ridiculous thoughts and memories at me, all at once.
