‘Right. I see. So you haven’t done anything wrong.’
‘What do you want me to say?’ The look he wears is almost murderous, words barely concealing an anger fit to overflow. ‘You want me to tell you I saw Essam? Fine. I did, but you already know that, or you wouldn’t be here having a go at me. I expect you hopped in your little plane the minute Rashid squealed.’ The words leave my mouth in a rush with a lack of either finesse or thought. ‘Oh, but guess what? I saw him last week, too. Quite the persistent caller he is.’
‘Twice.’ The word is short and explosive, akin to a spark; his voice simmering with barely suppressed emotion. ‘You’ve spoken to him twice, but didn’t think to tell me?’ Another lick of fire in his words, threatening to burst into flames. ‘The man who attacked you, the man responsible for you fucking off halfway around the world.’ With each word spoken, not only does his tone alter, but his volume increases until he’s yelling, his words ringing around the room. ‘You had...congresswith my fucking cousin, but you didn’t think to mention it to me!’
‘Congress? You make it sound like I was screwing him on the front lawn!’ I bring myself up off the chair, my fingers grasping the table in an effort to hold on, hold back. ‘You said you’d take care of him. You said you’d...’ I begin to tremble at the shock of this encounter. At the fact that I’ve kept all this inside. Sinking back into my chair, I wonder where the words are spewing from. ‘You shouldn’t have left me alone for almost a month. Not while he was still here.’ My hands still hold the table’s edge and I spread my fingers wide as I continue to speak. ‘And now he’s gone and fucked it all up!I’vefucked it all up.’ My hands contract into fists, my final words ending in sob.
‘He’s not supposed to be here.’ Kai’s words are strangled now, and though I don’t look up, I can sense him pushing both hands through his hair. I can see it in my mind’s eye, standing on end and I feel the urge in my fingers to brush it back again. ‘I didn’t expect to be gone so long.’
‘Gee, I wonder who could’ve managed to orchestrate that.’
‘You promised you’d take care.’
His footsteps draw closer, the sound of something being laid quietly against the corner of the dining room table, though I don’t raise my head as he moves away again.
‘I can’t do this right now.’
Despite the softness of his words, cold dread sinks to my stomach. His phone lies on the corner of the table and I reach for it as he opens the door. As I swipe my finger across the screen, I’m greeted by a familiar screensaver: my soft porn portrait. A replica of the print copy I’d torn and flushed down the toilet.
‘Because it hurts to look at you.’
And with that, he walks out the door.
I’m out of my seat as the front door closes, darting out into the front yard, and calling his name. That he has this photograph... I don’t know exactly what it means, or even what he’s thinking, but I can’t let him walk out on me.
‘Kai, wait, please!’
As I reach the front gate, a dark-coloured low slung car moves slowly from the curb. Its windows are blacked out so I can’t see in, but I can see my reflection, the panic and bewilderment staring right back at me.I turn and watch it leave, hoping he’ll come to his senses—change his mind—but the tail lights are bright in the darkness, dimming and dying until they can be seen no more. And still I stand, watching, hoping, and then wondering. What the hell do I do now?
Slowly, I retrace my footsteps back to the dining room, finding myself sinking back into my chair. I feel suddenly lightheaded, as though I haven’t eaten in days. My hand works on autopilot as I reach for his phone, forcing myself to face my downfall. As I stare, I know Kai can’t have convinced himself that Essam had any part in taking this. Apart from the fact that I know him not to be an idiot, it’s obvious this was taken some time ago. My hair is shorter. On my head at least. But I haven’t worn such... such full coverage below the waist for quite some time.
I begin flicking through the images, expecting to torture myself and to be reminded of happier times. Instead, I’m stopped short at an image of myself taken a few short days ago. A screenshot of our last long distance encounter. I’m wearing the blindfold, and though I can’t see the embroidered words, there’s a certain resonance about them.
Action is eloquence.
And his earlier words echo through my head.
You promised me you’d be safe.
He wasn’t supposed to be here.
I can’t bear to look at you.
My thoughts begin to draw together, like drops of quicksilver rolling around and gathering in my brain.
Kai. The love of my life. My husband. A man I really don’t know well at all. The bits I do know probably wouldn’t even be enough to fill out an online dating profile.
Insanely handsome and incredibly wealthy (wouldn’t that catch attentions).
Kinky with a side of dark and dominant (maybe this advert should be onfetlife).
Kind (a bit of a sweetheart, actually).
With a fondness for flash cars and Saville Row suits.
An expensive taste for rich reds and smooth malts.
Incredibly intelligent (with a partiality for obscure literature. Usage in the bedroom, where possible).
