‘Tell you that I failed you? That we lived in a squalid little flat until you were two years old? That I couldn’t provide?’ Her voice rises as she does, grasping the table as though to hold herself up. ‘Geoff was my saviour.’ She turns her head over her shoulder, and adds shrilly, ‘And yours, my girl!’
‘Please, Mum. Let’s not.’ It’s a lot to take in. Secrets hidden, even if the result is still the same.
‘I thought Shane would be your rock. All I ever wanted was the best for you. ’
I take Kai’s hand, look him square in the eyes and answer her while looking at him.
‘But I’ve got that, Mum. I’ve found him.’
‘I think we’re all a little overwrought. If I can suggest you both leave Mr. Saunders to me. And while I’m sure Shane is a fine man in a lot of respects—’ I snort loudly, Kai sending me a quelling look as a result—‘he is, for good reason, no longer marrying Kate. But I am. And I hope I’ll be welcomed into your family.’
Mum seems to return to herself in this instant, rousing from the memories, like shedding an old coat. Fresh tea is made and slice plated out. The remainder of our morning tea continues to be strained, but courteous, and that we aren’t shouting at each other is definitely a plus. Of course, it helps that Kai is as charming as the devil. Or like himself. He could charm the knickers off a nun’s nasty, given half a mind.
I’m returning from packing my bags in my old bedroom, when I hear Mum laughing softly in response to Kai’s murmured words.
‘Yes, you’re right, she is a funny thing.’Gee, thanks guys. Could they not think of any better words—charming? Delightful? Or full of fun, maybe?Mum pauses before sighing. ‘She’s a lovely girl.’Better. ‘But she’s had a sheltered life. She doesn’t know how tough things can get.’
‘She’s much stronger than you think.’
‘Is she? I hope so. I blame myself and can never seem to say the right thing.’
‘You ought to be proud. Kate is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She’s smart and funny, fearlessly passionate.’ Pausing in the hallway, I smother a snigger as he quickly adds, ‘Incredibly loyal and moral—’
‘Oh, I am proud. She’s beautiful inside and out. I just wish she’d listen to me sometimes, let me help. Let mein. We used to be so close. But lately... Her words trail off and I hear a small sob. ‘She wouldn’t even tell me what Shane did. I guessed, of course, but they seemed so good together. Men, well, I’m sorry Kai,’ she says quite primly. I can almost see her hands clasped tightly around her china cup. ‘But men can be childish. I thought maybe this, thisthingwas something Shane had to get out of his system. And I just wanted her to have someone to take care of her. Shane can do that. He has a good job, is from a good family. I don’t want her to live a life of struggle. You can see that?’
I step into the doorway as Kai’s hand touches Mum’s wrist. ‘Cynthia, I can give her those things, and more. I give you my word that it will be my life’s work to make her happy.’
I swallow past the large lump of love and emotion in my throat. I love that man so much. But Mum looks so small and vulnerable and, if I’m honest, a little bit lost. As is often the case, I find myself hating that I just can’t seem to stop myself from lashing out. Or being hurt. I know she loves me, but sometimes it isn’t enough just to know.
‘When—how did you meet?’ Her eyes brim with tears as they find Kai’s. ‘Perhaps you can tell me.’
‘Hey, I’m not deaf, or daft,’ I say, blundering into the room. ‘I’m pretty sure I can manage to tell you that.’
‘You’re sure?’ she asks, looking unconvinced. ‘It only took a slice to make you unhinged.’
‘Yes, very funny, Mum.’
‘Perhaps next time Kate can fill you in.’
‘Next time?’ Mum asks, her smile faltering.
‘We’ve some appointments to keep.’
Strained goodbyes and awkward hugs are made, along with promises to call again in a few days.
Mum hugs me extra hard at the door, which is a bit of a wonder, as we aren’t really the demonstrative types.
‘Married,’ she repeats as she releases me in a state of wonderment. Or shock. It’s hard to tell.
