‘I’d always believed I thrived on stress. On tension. Always seen it as something as a cause, rather than an effect. Something to push you onwards. Something to drive you to jump for that goal. But this—’ His short laugh is almost rueful. ‘This was something else. Something shaped like a Kate-sized hole. Tension in my shoulders and in my stomach. This hole, I thought I shouldn’t let it fester, maybe go back to living my life as before. Heal a thousand other ways.’
A thousand other women, more like.
‘Did it?’ I ask acidly. Did you? Images rise between us, faceless women wrapped around Kai. A dark-haired siren on her knees at his feet; the vision I fear most. Distress twists my stomach, jealousy burning in my chest as I try to pull away.
One eyebrow raises above his fierce gaze, his hand like a vice against mine. ‘Do I look like I’ve been screwing half of Dubai? Where would I have found the time, considering I’m here? I said I thought about it. Call those thoughts delusions of inexperience, because you can’t fool the heart, and that’s where I hurt the most. I’ve known for some time. Kate, for me, there is only you.’
I blink heavily, trying to absorb his words. That he loves me, despite trying not to. That I’ve hurt him.
His hands cradle my face, his thumbs wiping away tears I’ve no recollection shedding. ‘But more than finding you’d fled, and only guessing at the reasons, I arrived in Australia this morning to discover this... deception, this tarnishing of my fidelity, caused you to leave. You left because you saw me as him.’
‘Him?’ I repeat, not understanding, before recalling uncomfortably how I’d opened the front door to Kai. In my undies. Shane’s hands all over me.
That him.
‘It wasn’t, we weren’t—’
‘I know,’ he says softly, my face still in his hands. ‘Seeing him at your door, knowing he’d hurt you, I wanted to tear him apart. But finding out you thought I could betray you as he did, that you could believe so little of me—it hurt. More than I can adequately express,’ he adds solemnly. ‘And then you slept. You looked so peaceful, so normal. My sleeping Kate. How could you sleep and not feel my rage? My despair that you could think the same of me as him?’
‘But you—Shane—I didn’t think the same, at least not at that moment. Not in the hotel.’ My words fall in a rush, because this wasn’t my first instinct on finding Sofia on her knees that night. I hadn’t considered Kai—or as it turned out, Essam— as callous as Shane. I certainly hadn’t railed against men as all being lying, cheating scum. I’d left, quite simply because I was crushed. ‘Maybe later,’ I admit after a beat. ‘Later, when I’d taken to berating myself for being so stupid a second time.’ My chest falls with one, harsh breath. ‘That I could’ve ignored what was right in front of me. Again.’
‘But I was there in front. Always. Begging you to trust me, and loving you with every ounce of my strength.’
‘Let me finish, please.’ His hands are softer as I take them in my own. ‘Leaving Australia was never about Shane. Sure, I wanted to get away from him, but more because I was angry. I thought I was heartbroken, but apparently heartbreak hurts more than that. I left because I was done with him; I just didn’t want to deal. This time, leaving Dubai, don’t you see—I had to go away. I had to not be near you, because even after everything, everything I got wrong, as it turned out, I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to stay away from you. That was heartbreak. That was hurt.’
My vision becomes liquid, tears blurring my gaze.
‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he whispers, pulling my damp cheek to his, the momentum of his body pushing me backward onto the bed.
Our kisses turn from gentle to fierce, his hands feeding into my hair as his mouth touches me everywhere. One arm under my knee, he bares me open, laying me flat across the bed. For a moment he just stares, his gaze passionate in its golden liquor blaze. I blink back my tears, the soft bristle on his face rasping against my palm. Taking my outstretched hand in his, he threads our fingers together, lowering both back to the bed, and in one smooth motion, he’s inside me. All of him.
I cry out; the physical sensation, my emotional state, his revelations, threatening to overwhelm me. My chest heaves again, relief this time, released into his mouth as he kisses me, his beautiful lips against mine, against my cheeks and my eyes.
Whispers like fingertips caress my skin as he thrusts, exhaling deeply, spilling words and passion. Filling me.
‘You are too easy to need.’ He punctuates each of his words with a deep drive inside.
Skin slides against skin, tongue against tongue as we twist and writhe, not able to get close enough for either of our satisfaction. I lie beneath him, hands clasped in his, legs wrapped tight around him, like I could climb into the protection of his skin.
‘I need you. Want to own you.’
His dark lashes flutter closed, his body stilling as he pushes in deep. Savouring the brief moment, his body is an elegant arc over mine, his expression a strange combination of torture and peace. Once more withdrawing, he pushes my knees wider, driving himself into my heat again and again. Tempo increasing, he ploughs deeper, each stroke igniting my insides. Punishing thrusts drive me to the edge of pain, sensations coalescing with each stroke. An exquisite torment. An all-consuming pleasure. A sign of all that is right.
‘Look at you with your skin of polished ivory, your fuck me mouth.’ A hand in my hair, his mouth plunders mine.
Lost, my body responsive to his every touch, I cry out, arching into him, my hands moving to his backside, pulling him closer.
‘I fucking worship you,’ he rasps, his voice echoing through the room. ‘And I will own you.’ Pulling my hands from behind him, he threads his fingers through mine, grasping them once more by my head. He rocks into me again and again as I arch my back to meet each of his thrusts. I cry out in the agony of ecstasy, all thought, all cellular cohesion, breaking apart.
Aftershocks ebb and flow as he lowers his head, unintelligible utterances whispered into my hair. I place my lips against the pulsing vein in his neck, the vein that feeds life into his heart, the place he tells me my name is carved.
