Almost jumping to his feet, he takes my hands in his. ‘Think about it. It will take the power from him. Marriage will protect you—’
‘Yeah, that sounds completely sane. Marry me to sort out your dad? Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.’
‘You’re not listening! I love you, want to be with you, and I know you feel the same.’ I dig my heels into the sand trying very hard to pull from his embrace, but he only tightens his hold, drawing me closer, gathering me to his chest. ‘Don’t fight me. The thought of never holding you, never touching you again hurts so much.’ His voice is a low, passionate plea. ‘I’m guilty of a lot of things, but I swear to you upon everything that I hold dear, I would never betray you.’
Something inside unclenches—his words and body, the key to my calm. I relax unintentionally, the knot in my stomach dissolving as he draws my bunched fists down from my chest to my sides, slipping them to the small of my back.
‘When I discovered you’d left, I was so desperate,’ he whispers, ‘I don’t ever want to be without you again. I never understood what marriage meant until faced with losing you. Marry me, Kate, for no other reason than I love you and you love me.’
‘I can’t. I’ve only known you five minutes,’ I whisper. I can’t look at him, staring mindlessly at his shirt as it rises and falls with his rapid breath.
‘What does that matter?’
‘I can’t,’ I repeat. ‘I can’t jump from being fuck-friend to girlfriend and then to wife in the space of a couple of weeks.’
‘Those are just words, titles. The truth is, you’re part of me. You’ve wound your way into my soul.’
‘Be serious, Kai.’
‘I’ve never been more serious, or surer of anything.’
I rest my forehead against his broad chest, I laugh softly. It sounds odd. Hell, it feels odd. I must be slightly unhinged. Lack of sleep, maybe?
Releasing my wrists, Kai anchors his hands in my hair. Being close to him is dangerous, so tempting, his mouth hovering just out of reach. Yes, he looks tired. Exhausted, but he also looks sincere. Even as I think this, the thought is replaced by the realisation that I know fuck-all.A cheater is a creature I’ll never recognise.
But knowledge, emotion, and desire are all very different things, and as he lowers his head, I know I’ll allow him to kiss me. My eyes roll closed as our lips touch and I savour the shape of his lips against my own, kisses that are soft butterfly wings of regret. I try to hang on. To think. To remind myself of all that he’s said. Done. I shouldn’t need to make the effort, ought to know the answer. I’ve been here before: pain, anguish and lies. This is a kiss goodbye.
He pulls away, lingering with small, sweet kisses of reluctance as his hands cup my face. A tremor touches his full bottom lip as words spill from them and unravel my anger. Undo me totally.
‘You’ve opened my eyes, Kate, and I love you more than I ever thought possible. Love I didn’t know I was capable of. You placed your trust in my hands and I know I can’t be whole without it. Give me your love, desire and trust, sweetheart, or walk away.’ He steps back, his hands loosening as my vison blurs at his words. ‘I won’t risk a life full of half-measures now. ’
Risk. Here’s the thing I know about risk: It leaves you exposed, vulnerable. Trembling and tied to a table. On the beach with your bloodied heart beating in another person’s hands.
He said once only I could decide if we were worth the risk. Ifhewas worth the risk. Then like lightening, clarity strikes my mind. The power and intensity of what’s between us, the danger and fear of loving so much, it all falls away.
I answer him, and myself, by throwing my body against him, making him stagger against the sand. I wrap my arms, legs—wind my whole self around him—placing my lips and my fingerprints everywhere.
His words are in my heart and in my head.
I kiss him hard.
I kiss him mine.
I kiss him yes.
