Essam’s hints of some kind of merger, small things beginning to make sickening sense. His frequency of travelling; visiting his soon-to-be bride? One hand grasps my desk as the other balls at by my side.
‘I need to hear this from Kai.’ My wavering voice betrays the riot of emotion, the dislike I have for this man a tangible thing. Married. It can’t be. I lower my head feeling winded, wrapping an arm around my side.
‘Of course, his flight lands quite soon. I believe Rashid has instructions to take you to the hotel later. Perhaps you can save him the journey, meet him there? He has, after all, supplied you with a car.’ His words are bland, as though the topic is of no consequence, though his well-aimed barb hits home. My face heats and I look away, knowing full well what his assumptions of me are.
‘You haven’t known him long enough to really know Kais. There’s much to be said for the phraseblood will out.’ I raise my head. ‘Determined by condition of birth, his character would have eventually, inevitably, been revealed. Men aren’t conditioned to be faithful, my dear, and I’ll be damned if his first wife doesn’t give him some standing. Whilst utterly charming, the stepdaughter of a white collar Australian won’t do.’
‘Excuse me.’ I move towards the door, to an escape. I don’t want to listen anymore.
He steps in front of me almost leaning his taller frame into mine. Without touching, menace is still very much implied. ‘I always get my way, Miss Saunders. We shall talk again. Soon.’
As he steps back, I yank open the door and almost fall out, moving away as fast as my shaking legs allow. Bile washes through my stomach, the wings pounding at my ribs reaching fever pitch. I head to the hall, the initial meeting point for the evening. At best, there’s protection in numbers. Distraction and other things to focus on.
‘There you are, Kate!’ Hala links her arm through mine as I enter the main hall. ‘You okay?’ Pulling on my elbow, she forces me to stop.
‘Yeah,’ I answer, startled by theniqabshe’s wearing. This evening is a mixed event and Hala wears aniqabin public—I knew that. I just forgot. One thing I will say is, the dark surround makes the colour of her eyes pop. ‘I’m fine. You?’
‘Yeah, better.’ She adjusts her veil, settling it against her nose. ‘We talked, the hubby and I. Sorted it. I’m so pleased you found me, rather than one of the other nosey cows.’
‘No worries.’ My answer is rote.
She stoops a little, peering into my eyes. ‘You sure you’re okay? You look a bit peaky.’
‘I’m not feeling well, but I’ll survive.’ At least I will once I see Kai. Hear his reassurances, listen to him say his father is wrong. Even while thinking this, a fist balls under my ribs telling me that I’m a fool, after all.
‘Teacher!’ A small, affectionate pair of arms wrap around my waist, knocking me onto my heels. ‘Please you come, meet my mommy!’ Dalia, a small but tenacious member of my class, insists.
‘Dalia,’ Hala says in a warning tone. ‘No running in the hall and Miss Katherine has a queue waiting for her already.’
I raise my gaze from the dark head at my waist, and sure enough, at my designated area, there are a number of parents waiting to speak to me. Sadia chats animatedly to one mother swathed in black whilst absentmindedly running her hands across Ameera’s long, black hair.
‘Ain’t no rest for the wicked,’ Hala whispers, extracting her arm from mine. Her eyes twinkle with humour as she wiggles her fingers goodbye.
With a deep breath, I head towards my table.
Eight sets of parents and three lone mothers later, my head is beginning to hurt. The noise is distracting enough, the acoustics in the hall harsh, but fending off questions while trying to hold it together, takes all of my will. And of Kai there’s no sign, which isn’t a surprise, just wishful thinking, I suppose. None of his father, either, thankfully, though he’s sure to surface soon as the parents are about to be seated for his address.
‘Kate, you look dreadful. You really shouldn’t have come.’ Arwa steers me by the arm to the end of the table, looking concerned.
‘It’s nothing, just a bug. I’ll be fine.’
‘While I appreciate your dedication, I think you should go home. You look terrible,’ she says interrupting my protesting and halting my words with a raised hand. ‘The speeches are next and Sadia can show the parents around the classroom afterwards. Beautiful work, by the way. I love the quilt.’
It’s such a change in position from her, considering she hasn’t spoken to me in days. I want to cry, throw my arms around her and tell her she was right all along. Instead, I nod, adding my weak thanks, and with a quick word to Sadia, leave the hall.
Kai’s massive SUV is parked inside the school gates. My heart lifts with hope, plummeting as Rashid steps from the driver’s side, opening a rear door. I shake my head, gesturing to my own car.
Hurrying towards it, I keep my eyes on the ground and, once inside, I allow the threatening tears to fall.
Thoughts wrap around my head like an invasion of vines, clutching at my mind. I need to see Kai, feel his reassurance. Have him tell me this is a falsehood. A mistake. He said he loved me, and love doesn’t dim at the flick of a switch. Love isn’t that fickle. Love isn’t a mouthful of lies. I need to speak with him, have him explain. Tell him he was right about his dad. Maybe this marriage is a misunderstanding. Subterfuge set by him. Something I don’t understand?
My teary reflection flickers in the darkened window. This is a little death of another kind, because I feel like I’m dying inside.
I don’t wait for the parking slip from the valet, leaving my car still running at the vast entrance doors. I cross the foyer fast, and at the elevators, take the key-card from my purse before deciding I’ll knock. As I reach the door, my stomach and heart shrink and contract with fear.
I knock.
No answer.
