Ignoring her reference—I’ve heard of, but not seen, that notorious video clip—I ask, ‘Is there something wrong with that?’ I defend my new, freaky leanings as boldly as I dare. I’m almost tempted to tell her what I’ve been up to, just to watch her swallow her tongue. It’s a fleeting thought and not a very sensible one. ‘You don’t think regular people can have... interesting... sex lives?’ Not that I’d consider Kai a regular person, not with his background and money. Nope, not at all.
‘That a polite euphemism for rubber and collars now? I’m not sayin’ they’reallperverts, but if the gimp mask fits...’ She shrugs dismissively.
‘So, you’ve never indulged?’
‘Will you ever feck off!’ she says, turning several pages so quickly, they almost tear. ‘Can you see me in leather? A collar ‘round my neck?’
‘I can totally see you in a dominatrix getup.’ She’s bossy enough. Maybe she and Kai can double up—she can boss me around in my everyday life, while he dominates me in the bedroom. Hang on; I think that’s what already happens.
‘How many glasses haveyouhad? Is working with women turning your head, ‘cos if you’re batting for the other side now, you’re so not my type.’
‘Funny,’ I reply with a snort. ‘And ditto. If I’m going lesbian, you’d be the lastles-I’d-be-in.’
‘Where’d you pick this magazine up, anyway?’ she asks, ignoring me. ‘The local Cosmo isn’t filled with smut.’
‘At the airport, before my flight out from Brisbane. I haven’t had a chance to read it yet. And what’s wrong with the local Cosmo?’
‘It’s tame by comparison, sort of catering to the market.’
‘Like abaya’s in the fashion section?’
‘It’sabayaat, plural. And I mean no smut. Noten ways to blow your manarticles, like they don’t indulge, for feck sakes. Repression, that’s what it is.’
‘You’ve lost me.’ On both fronts and repressed is not my experience in these matters.
‘It’s just everything’s so prescribed, the do’s and the don’ts, according to the culture and stuff. Anyway, it seems so where relationships and sex are concerned.’
‘How?’
‘Well, I’m not an expert, but that wholethou shalt not indulge in blood sportsthing seems a bit over the top. And that business about looking at the opposite sex as beingadultery of the eyes. Does that mean if you get a whiff of some fella’s aftershave, your nose is a slut, too?’
‘Hang on, what has hunting got to do with sex?’ Blood sports? What’s she talking about?
Folding the magazine in her lap, she rolls her eyes. ‘Not hunting, eejit. Have a think.’ Reaching for her glass, she raises it to her mouth.
Blood sports and sex.
Blood and sport and sex.
Blood and sex...
‘Periods?’ I ask, quizzical.
‘Give the girl a prize! Would tampons or pads suit you? Supposedly, the female race is unclean once a month, the menfolk instructed to stay away. Our state of disgrace, it seems.’
‘Piss off! That’s worse than the no touching before married thing.’ I’m not sure whether to laugh at the absurdity or be offended on behalf of womankind.
‘For realz, no crime scene sex, babes.’ I’msonot going to ask, but it seems I have no say in the matter as she peers at me over the edge of her glass. ‘You know, sex that sometimes leaves the bed looking like the forensics team needs to be called in.’
‘Far out.’ I hurry on. ‘It had to be a bloke who came up with that, not that I’ve ever...’Stop. Not touching that one, either. ‘But whatever tickles your pickle, right? Whatever consenting adults get up to in the privacy of their own bedrooms is their business.’
Come on, Niamh, now’s your chance to make me feel less of a deviant; agree with me.
‘Far out,’ she repeats, instead, slowly shaking her head. ‘That’s seriously seventies. No the wonder you were trying to bring back the bush. And TMI, B-T-Dubs.’
‘Seriously,’ I reply, ignoring her jibe. ‘You’re about ten years too old to be talking in acronyms.
‘But you’ve never..’ She looks at me curiously as though waiting for me to fill in the blanks. ‘Haven’t you ever been so turned on, that you just had to... scratch that itch? Only natural with all those raging hormones?’ When it becomes clear to her I can’t find the words to answer, she holds up her hands. ‘Okay, your business, not mine.’
