‘A rabbit is a mammal, not a rodent.’ He presses his lips against mine, smiling into our kiss.
‘And there are names for people like you.’
‘If it gets you into that corset, those white ears, and that fluffy tail, you can call me whatever you want.’
‘Ben Monroe, you have hidden depths.’
‘You don’t even know the half of it,’ he growls, sliding his knee between my legs, his body rising above mine.
‘Oh, that sounds ominous,’ I taunt. ‘Dare I ask, or should I just leave you with your aura of mystery?’
‘Are you quite finished taking the piss?’
I shrug saucily.
‘I want, Nell, to be with you. And I want you to know the things I said were true. I’ll always blame myself for what happened to Tom, and that’s not going to change.’ As I open my mouth to protest, Ben kisses me before pulling back. ‘But I realised something. If I don’t have you, I’m not going to be fit for any kind of duty. If I’m forced to leave without knowing you love me, too, even just a little bit, I can’t imagine what kind of state I’ll be in.’
‘So you’re saying.. . that I should love you for the good of your men? That I need to do my bit for my adopted country?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m saying. Lie back and think of England while I have my wicked way. Whatever it takes. Do you duty, Nell.’
‘You really are a piece of work. It’s a good job I find you tolerable.’
‘Tolerable? That’s not what you said earlier.’ His taunting mask drops a moment later as he rests on my elbows, his hands on the sides of my face. ‘I want you so much I can scarcely breathe for the need of you. This might have started in the realms of fantasy for me, at least, but it was a fantasy that quickly came true.’
‘Oh, Ben. When did you become such a sweet-talker?
‘Only for you. Can I keep you? Can I steal the air from your lungs when I kiss you as I feed you mine? Can I leave my fingerprints on every inch of you each time before I leave? And just so we’re clear, that’s my hands on your soul as well as your arse.’ I roll my roll my eyes, feigning exasperation as he adds, ‘And one final thing. If you say no, if you tell me you’re not into this, bear in mind I’ve been trained to keep hostages.’
Chapter 23
NELL
(I’m Ben’s Nell now, and everyone knows it)
‘When are you going to say that you love me, Nell?’
We’re in the kitchen, our tastefully decorated French farmhouse style kitchen, which I think I’ll cry over when we move out next week. As usual, when he’s here, Ben has a Thermos cup of coffee and some kind of protein bar waiting for me. He often chides me for not eating well, so I try my best though he has yet to encourage me to accompany him on a run.
Who needs to run when marathon sex sessions are available? I even have abs! One-sixth of a six-pack.I think that might be called a keg.
‘I show you I love you all of the time.’ Tipping onto my toes, I place my lips against his as I take my breakfast from his hands. ‘I show, don’t tell, Ben. Just like in a good book.’
He frowns though kisses me anyway, grabbing the collar of my shirt as I lower to my heels again.
‘I show youandtell you how I love you all of the time. On any given day, in a million ways.’
‘AndIappreciate it,’ I reply, twisting away.
Truthfully, that I haven’t said the words out loud is ridiculous. I knew I was falling in love with him before he even knew it himself. But something held me back. Maybe my caution lies in the fact that, in the ways of relationships, I’m largely inexperienced. Or maybe it was because we fell so quick. Or maybe because I didn’t trust him to truly love me initially, or maybe I just didn’t trust myself. Who knows?
Whatever the reason, it’s now reached the point of ridiculousness. We live together, most of the time. His barracks aren’t too far away so we enjoy a small bubble of domestic bliss. Thanks to Ben, I’ve been able to renovate the house completely, though I’ll be paying him back out of the sale proceeds next week. And from then, we’re moving in together officially. We’ve found a small house in the same suburb and I must be crazy, but we’re renovating again.
Ben spends some time away from home, working, training, doing those things he keeps secret from everyone, but we’ve been lucky so far. I know it won’t always be this way, that he’ll have to travel long distances, sometimes for months or more, but it’s a small price to pay to have his love.
Love.
I’ve begun to feel the best way to get myself out of thelove holeI’ve dug myself in is by some grand gesture. But what? I doubt he’d appreciate a proposal. We’ve spoken of marriage, in the way most couples in love do, but Ben is a little old-fashioned. He’ll want to take the reins, I know. Besides, six months is still relatively new in relationship terms.
