Chapter 5
Kallie
Josh walks away from me leaving me feeling crushed. Crushed and pissed off. Is this going to happen every time? I’ve had feelings for him for as long as I can remember, but something has always been in our way—if it wasn’t Addy it was my dad, and if it wasn’t that then maybe it was my age. Whatever his reason today, it’s pure bullshit.
I want to yell after him, call him some douchebag names. Tell him he’s a pussy—anda pussy tease! But I wasn’t raised that way. I walk back home so angry, and as I slam the door, mum pops her head out of the kitchen.
‘What’s wrong, dear?
‘Nothing,’ I say, trying to recover my composure. I’m so hot, partly from anger, but I can also still feel his hands all over me. ‘Josh isn’t joining us for dinner anymore.’ Despite my best attempts, my words come out in a huff.
Oh, that’s a shame, mum says, bringing food from the kitchen and putting it on the dining table where she’s already set a place for Josh. ‘I was hoping we could catch up. I haven’t seen him in such a long time.’
You and me both.’ Though the way I feel, maybe it’s best if another ten years pass before I see him again.
We sit down around the table, just the two of us. It’s weird after the many years we spent eating dinner around this table as a family.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, fork balanced in hand.
I sigh, putting down my silverware. ‘He kissed me. Josh kissed me.’
She gives me an expressionless face, though gestures for me to carry on.
And it wasn’t the first time. And yes, the last time was a long time ago but it’s like, there’s always a reason for him not to be with me. First, it was Addy and dad being protective—you know how dad was. And now it’s because it’s apparently “too soon after dad” and that he doesn’t want to upset Ads. I mean, it’s not like he wanted to kiss him.’ My hands are in the air along with my anger and frustration. ‘So, essentially, nothing has changed because it’s Addy and dad again.’ The story of my life!
She nods slowly, and I can see she’s maybe choosing her words.
‘I always thought there was something between you two,’ she eventually says. ‘You should talk to him about it; with a clear head and a clear sense of what you want. Because if you’re going to live your life according to what other people want, you’ll never be happy.’
‘I don’t know,’ I say, staring at my plate. ‘Maybe... maybe I’ll try to talk to him.’ When I don’t feel like ripping off his head. We carry on eating in silence, and when we’re done, I help clear the table and wash the dishes before excusing myself and heading to bed.
Just like old times . . .
It’s odd staying in my childhood room again, especially in the very same twin bed I used to sleep in as a kid. It funny, though not that laughing kind, I think as I lie, staring at the ceiling. Funny how some things don’t change. Ten years on and I’m lying in the same bed, staring at the same ceiling, obsessing about the same boy. Except he’s no longer a boy. And I’m no longer that shy girl. Instead, I’m an angry one.
So angry. I’m angry with Addy for deciding what my life should be like. For who’s good enough to be my partner in life. Maybe once upon a time he could have called the shots—he had three years on me and that was a lot when we were teenagers. But this? I’m twenty-eight, now. And it’s not like he’s made all the right choices in his own life—I don’t need him to tell me how to live mine.
And yet he still tries. And right now, it’s pissing me off.
Coming back home is bittersweet—I love this house and all the memories contained, but I refuse to fall into my old role of younger sister. Something has got to give.
When I glance at the clock it’s gone eleven. I’ve been tossing and turning for over an hour. My angry thoughts change target and suddenly I have Josh on my mind. The way his mouth felt against mine. The touch of his tongue. How my insides had pounded as he’d covered my pussy with his palm. The way he’d run off as though he’d been shot in the butt.
But my mum is right. If I want something, I need to make it happen. I’m an adult, and I need to act like one.
I get out of bed and quickly change into jeans and a t-shirt, pulling my hair back before quietly creeping out of the house. It’s not far to Josh’s family home, and when I arrive the family room light is still on. I doubt his sister is still awake, so I guess I’m not the only one that can’t sleep.
I knock quietly on the window and it only takes two seconds before Josh opens it... in a pair of low slung shorts. And nothing else.
‘Is everything alright?’ he asks, stepping onto the porch and closing the front door behind him.So that’s the way he wants to play it.
‘I want to talk to you,’ I say, clearly and calmly, though how I’m calm I’m not sure. ‘I wanted to tell you I think you’re a coward.’Okay, maybe not so calm.
He doesn’t answer beyond the lift of one brow. I’m not exactly sugar-coating my feelings, but he’s seen me angry before. Teased me about my temper.
‘If you want to be with me, be with me. Say so. Don’t tease me or tiptoe around my brother. He’s not my keeper and I don’t like being toyed with. At least, not without my permission.’
Discarding the thread that will probably make him hard, he pulls on the other.
