‘At the risk of sounding trite, some things happen for a reason, hen. You couldn’t have married him, and you’re far too lovely to be an accountant.’
‘Jax is an accountant, too. That’s how she and Dad met. She worked for him.’
‘A workplace romance,’ he adds, smiling.
‘She’s attractive, isn’t she?’
He shrugs, impassive. ‘If you like that sort of thing.’
I didn’t really think he’d been one of Jacqueline’s bits on the side. And now I know.
‘So you ran away to the circus?’
‘Yes. To get away from a course I hated. To turn over a new leaf. To get rid of my virginity.’
‘And this was... last year?’
‘Yep. I came back a whole new me. Except for one bit. And that’s where you come in.’
‘Me?’ His brows retract as he looks at me carefully.
‘Yes. We’ve sort of come full circle,’ I mutter. ‘Look, I want you and you want me, on some level, right?’
‘Aye, I want you on lots of levels and in lots of ways, but—’
‘But you also want Fin.’
‘No, the woman is married,’ he answers adamantly.
‘I said want. Fantasy and reality aren’t the same thing. And I saw how you looked at her.’ And it was hard to see. Hard to realise he wanted her on a deeper level than the way he wants me.
‘Ella, please.’ His words are suddenly pained. ‘None of this can ever leave this room.’
‘I agree, because I want you Mac, more than anything. But I’ve been worried. What if we did this—took the next step—and we didn’t gel? What if things fell apart; where would that leave me? Homeless and without a job?’ And broken hearted after falling in love with him. ‘It’s a lot to ask me to risk. But now I don’t need to worry; don’t you see? I’m going to uni in a few months, and you don’t have your heart to give.’ Because it belongs to someone else. Someone who’ll never be me.
‘Well, when you put it that way,’ he says throwing his arms wide, ‘it all makes perfect sense.’
‘It does, doesn’t it?’ Unfortunately.
‘No, Ella, it doesn’t. It’s a load of bollocks, quite frankly. And the rest of it? I can barely understand what it is you’re tryin’ to say.’
‘Oh, right.’ Down to brass tacks, it is. I throw back the rest of my drink in one go, coughing slightly to alleviate the sting. ‘I’m trying to say a couple of things, I suppose. But mainly, I want you to take my virginity.’
