‘You’d have to ask him.’
‘Aye,’ she says, chuckling. ‘I’ll ask him next time he pops ‘round for tea. Speaking of which, you stay there, and I’ll make you another. Only, try to keep this one in the cup.’
‘Funny,’ I retort as she leaves the room. I stare at the dark tea stains on my shoes again. I have no right to be feeling any of these things—
Hang on just a minute!I sit up, the weight on my chest suddenly lifting.He can’t get married while he’s still married to me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ivy
After that morningin the salon—the news and broken cup—I’d told myself I had to get over it. Swallow the shock of his moving on. Smother the hurt and misplaced sense of betrayal—I had no right to any of those emotions. My love for him didn’t owe me a damn thing, even if it was still there and as real as the tiny thing growing inside. And those hurtful feelings kept me warm for a time. Kept my insides burning. Until I let go. It wasn’t good for me, and it couldn’t be good for the baby, so I had to try. And I did—I let go of my anger and fear, but I didn’t let go of Dylan. We were linked forever, he and I. Even if he didn’t realise.
I told myself I’d wait a few weeks before sharing the news of my pregnancy with him. That a couple of weeks more wouldn’t hurt, and that it might even give me time to adjust. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of crazy stalker—the kind of woman who’d fake a pregnancy when it had become obvious he’d moved on. And I was only two months in. I had lots of time. Most women keep their pregnancy under wraps until the third month anyway, don’t they?
But month three turned into month four, and still, I couldn’t bring myself to contact him. To swallow my pride. Month four ticked over then, and at twenty-one weeks, I felt the first flutter of movement. Had it happened before? It was hard to say.
‘Might be indigestion,’ Fin had said. I was staying with her in London; I’d made a point to visit her every few weeks by train. ‘I can’t feel anything.’ Her hand fell away, and she sat up quick, shooting me a strange look as she pulled away. ‘Maybe it’s wind.’
‘I think I’m familiar with the sensation,’ I’d replied, rather curt. ‘I am, after all, related to Mac.’ As it was, Mac had driven me to London that time. He’d had business there.
‘And how is Mac the man?’
‘He’s fine.’ I’d taken to calling him the Folic Acid Police behind his back, but I wasn’t repeating it to Fin. I know the pair spoke via phone regularly. Probably fussing over my future like a couple of auld women.
‘I wished you let me visit you next time.’
Yeah, like Mac would let her anywhere near Auchkeld. He’d become hell-bent on giving Fin’s ex a good thump because he still turns up almost every weekend.Like clockwork. He doesn’t come into the salon, though. Not anymore. He just hangs around the village almost like he lives there. Like, if he’s around, he’s bound to bump into Fin at some point. That one of us will take pity on him—weaken our resolve. But that’s not happening because we’ve made sure she’s not coming back until she’s no longer hurting.
‘I’ve told you, I enjoy the break. Not to mention you’ve your own doctor here.’ Bea, her roommate.
‘A fat lot of good she’ll be if you drop it while she’s working one of her gargantuan shifts. Honestly, I don’t know how she stays on her feet.’
‘Drop it? Do you think that’s all it’ll take? Clearly, you haven’t read the book I sent.’
‘Hey, don’t try to talk me out of this now—you said I could be your birthing partner. No givesies backsies, but I draw the line at delivering little Vlad by myself.’
My bump had become Vlad on account ofthe little buggerhavingsapped all the goodness out of me,according to June. I am tired all the time, but also according to June, my self-appointed doula, I’ll also be losing my teeth and my hair thanks to my pregnancy. Hence, my little bump had become a little vampire named Vlad.
And Vlad, rather thanVladimirabecause at my last scan I was told I was having a boy.
‘If I have to be there,so doyou,’ was my retort. ‘And I’m fairly certain it’s not going to happen without me, and that little Vlad isn’t just going to fall out.’ I’d sighed, long and protractedly folded my hands over my barely-there bump. ‘They deserve medals.’
‘Vaginas?’ Fin’s face had scrunched. ‘But it’s nature at its best, and they’re kinda elastic, aren’t they? Treat her well, and I’m sure she’ll be fine.’
I shot her a look to convey my disgust. Tenfold.
‘Treat her well? Should I book us a spa day?’
‘Kegels,’ she’d answered with a sort of wide-eyed honesty. ‘According to Chapter Twelve, do them, and do them well, and she’ll bounce back.’ To add to the absurdity, she’d made a sort of vacuum motion with one hand.
‘I meantdoctors,Fin. Doctors deserve medals.’ I’d sighed again, raising my eyes to the ceiling. ‘And I can’t think what would possess anyone to want to look up there.’
‘Look up where?’ Her eyes followed mine.
‘Not there!There.’ I’d tipped my head, gesturing to my lap. ‘What makes someone want to become an obstetrician?’
‘Hey, in that book, it mentions the possibility during birth of you poo—’
