‘Tell me that’s not you,’ she says, sounding absolutely serious and perfectly scandalised.
‘I wish!’ scoffs Nat. ‘Other than the fact her tits are no’ real.’ Her gaze slides to the TV as she begins her critique. ‘She’s the look of me, sure. And I wouldn’t mind a go of him.’
Which him though, is anyone’s guess. Though maybe not as Ivy doesn’t appear to have noticed the masturbating elephant in the room.
‘Why would you put porn on?’ Her voice is so high I think I can hear dogs in nearby gardens beginning to squeal from the pitch.
‘It wasn’t me!’
‘Go on—go on! Yes,ah, fuck, would ya look at that!’
Natasha doesn’t need to stand on her tiptoes to see Mac squeezing the results of his happy rub onto his stomach. But she does anyway. It’s around the same time that Ivy’s confusion dissipates, her body beginning to shiver subtly from rage.
‘Knock that off,’ she grates out, pulling on Natasha’s arm. ‘Have you no respect?’
‘Sorry,’ Nat adds sheepishly. ‘I forgot for a minute he was your brother.’
‘I not bothered about that lump—have a bit of respect for yourself, woman!’
Either Mac’s interest in his viewing choice has waned, or maybe Ivy’s not so dulcet tones weave their way under the ear-piece of his headphones. Or maybe—and my money’s on this—it’s some kind of inbuilt early warning system, honed over years of sibling warfare, that causes him to turn... at the precise same moment Ivy’s hand lands on his head.
‘Cormac!’ she yells as her hand connects.
‘What da’ fuck!’ he shouts, both hands coming up to hold the crown of his head. ‘What was that for?’ He slides the headphones to his neck.
‘What was it for?’ Ivy repeats, fists now clenched by her sides. ‘What was it for?’ Her volume increases with the second repetition. ‘Because. You. Are. A Filthy. B—brute!’
‘Oh.’ Completely unabashed, his gaze slides to Natasha. ‘It wasn’t my best angle,’ he says with a sly smile.
‘Your best angle! Thanks be to God I missed it this time!’ Ivy yells back. ‘You’re gonna have to buy a new sofa, you violating... turd!’
‘You might benefit from a bit of masturbation,Poison.’ His tone is cool as his attention returns to his sister, and though no one can see rightly, he appears to be tucking himself back in. ‘Might make you chill the fuck out.’
‘Oh?Oh.That so, is it?’ I’m surprised steam isn’t rising from her body because she looks like a volcano of words ready to explode. ‘That’s what I need?’
‘I think we should go.’ I pull on Nat’s sleeve, keeping my voice low. Last time I saw the pair so angry, violence ensued. Ivy’s so mellow, but when she goes, she really does go. She has the temper of a tiger with a sore tooth.
‘Not on your life,’ Nat whispers back, folding my fingers into the crook of her arm and holding them there.
‘That’ll solve my problems, will it?’ Ivy asks with a frightening glint in her eye. ‘A wee fiddle?’Mac visibly winces. ‘Maybe I’ll take your advice, seeing as you’re such an expert. Go to the pub and drop my knickers? Treat your pals to the same kind of show?’
‘There’s no need to be—’ She doesn’t let him finish, speaking louder and over him.
‘So every time they see you, they’ll only ever see the image of me with my hand between my legs!’
‘You’re looking at this—’
‘That’s where you’re wrong, ‘cos I’m not looking at all! And neither should my friends!’
‘Come on,’ I repeat, tugging on Natasha’s arm. ‘They’ll be arguing for hours yet.’ This time she allows me to pull her to the door where we quietly slip out.
Outside is cool and quiet, a huge contrast to the room we’ve just left and I let out a long breath.
‘He’ll walk her home once they’ve made up.’
‘Will he?’ Nat responds.
‘Yeah. They say a lot of shit to each other, but they’re tight.’
