“Sam,” Ari says in a soft voice. “Sam, I’m leaving Angel City.”
Her giddiness, the flutter in her chest, her unfurling heart. All of it cuts off, and Sam fights to keep the shock off her face. He is leaving her.
“Oh?” she says, sitting up, fighting to keep her voice normal. “Why? When?”
“I’ll still be around, now and then.” He swallows, as if the words are difficult for him to say. “But I’ll be traveling a lot.”
This can’t be happening. Her prepared speech vanishes from her mind, and her thoughts flutter in dismay, lost.
“Where are you going?” she asks faintly. “What for?”
Again, no true answer. His jaw is tight. “I’m going to hate not seeing you every day,” he says quietly.
She had been prepared to tell him everything, but he had come here to say goodbye.
A fresh breeze comes through. Sam’s braided hair streams sideways, and a few sea daisies drop into Ari’s lap. He picks up one of the flowers. There is an unspoken conversation in his eyes, something that might never come out. An emotion wells in Sam’s chest until it becomes unbearable.
Maybe she can still say it. Maybe she can still find some way to tie him to her.
“Hey,” she suddenly says, turning to him.
Now they are very close to each other. His gaze wanders her face, and she thinks maybe he’s trying to memorize her in the same way she did with him. If she wanted to, if she didn’t care about the ramifications of it, she could lean forward and close the gap between them without even shifting from her spot.
Tell him.
But she can already see him pulling away, his heart closing right as hers is opening up. She tries to let the truth of everything spill out, but the words won’t come.
The moment is lost now, never to return. Her courage is gone.
“Ari,” she says instead. “Don’t forget about me, okay?”
He must sense something broken in her voice, hear the farewell in her words, because he looks at her through his lashes with grieving eyes. Perhaps he doesn’t know what’s happening to her—that she too has taken an irreversible step down a path—but he knows how she feels.
“Okay,” he manages to say.
His breath stirs against her skin. She feels like she’s breaking apart.
“Promise me, Ari,” she says.
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he tucks the sea daisy in his hand behind her ear, then touches her cheek gently. A curious calmness settles in her chest, some invisible caress telling her that everything is going to be okay. Her skin tingles. She leans a little closer. He studies her eyes, her lips.There is an indescribable yearning in his gaze, something he wants to say but can’t.
Kiss me,she thinks sadly.Just once, before we go.
But he doesn’t lean forward. They stay suspended before each other instead, both aching, neither selfish enough to close the gap.
“I promise,” Ari whispers.
He drops his hand, and Sam looks away, taking a deep breath of salty air and trying not to cry. The direction of the sun has started to shift, and everything in her heart wants to stop the march of time. She leans her head against his shoulder, and he leans toward her in return, resting his chin on her head, pressing his lips to her hair. Quietly, she knows they are both lying. She won’t see him again for a long time. And he doesn’t realize yet that the wide-eyed Sam he has always known is about to disappear forever. But in this moment, they both feel a sense of loss that threads them together, makes them afraid to move from this spot until the sun has started to set. People make promises to one another that they will stay in touch their whole lives, that nothing will change. Then they grow up, move away, and let go.
It will be five years before they cross paths again. When they do, Sam will think back on this moment and wonder if there was anything she could have done to change the outcome, if things might have turned out differently had she told him, if they could have found another way.
But there is no other way. The next time they meet, they will be standing on opposite sides of a chasm. They will look at each other and wonder:
How will you hurt me?
What are you thinking?
What have you done?
