Her glazed eyes turn up to see him crouching beside her. Through her agony, she glares at him and lets the hatred in her keep her alive.
He doesn’t react to her expression. Behind his stony face is what looks like genuine grief.
It takes her a second to realize that the rain has picked up, that she is soaking wet. The water mixes with her blood, and tiny streams flow pink around her.
He stares down at her. “I’ve been ordered to leave you here. In your final moments, remember the oath you once took. Something is asked of you, you do it without question. Something cuts you, we all bleed. And when there is war, you fight alongside us and no one else.” His eyes narrow, hardening. “Remember that you had this family. Remember that you chose to walk away from it. And remember, in your final moments, that you are alone.”
Then his voice quiets, and for a moment, she sees the man who had once, just once, opened his heart to her. “Know that I loved you, Sam,” he says.
He turns away and heads back inside the building. The guards by the door follow him.
Sam trembles in agony.Ari.She pictures him waiting, bound, in the Confession Room, wondering what has happened to her. Will they kill him tonight? Is he already dead? The thought is so unbearable that, for a second, she thinks perhaps it’s best that she’ll go too, that they’ll leave this world together, because without him, what else is there? She’s lost her mother; she’s lost herself. If she loses Ari, there is nothing else.
It’s getting harder to concentrate, and she is losing feeling in her limbs. Minutes drag on. Up at the intersection, the construction work finishes, and the barricades are moved. As she lies dying in the rain, passersby start to come and go on the street. They step around her weakening body as if she isn’t there at all. She tries to call out for help to them, but their eyes turndown to her in momentary disinterest before returning to the street. The sand in her is too strong, and her invisibility blankets her.
“Help me,” she croaks out, but it is just a whisper on the wind.
A woman steps over her; a man goes around her body as he talks on the phone. Dozens pass her without a second glance.
Now she feels the full cruelty of Will’s actions. They had intentionally left her alive long enough to witness how alone she is, had wanted her to spend the final moments of her life suffocating in her own invisibility, calling out in vain for someone to care.
You are alone.
She is crying and can barely feel it. The rain runs down her face and joins the streams around her. The world starts to fade.
Samantha.It is her mother’s voice in her mind now, and she shifts as if she hears it.
Mama.Sam reaches blindly out for her.Mama, here I am. Can you see me?
Sam, you must always try your best. Work hard and reach for the stars. If you do, even the smallest of us can find a way out.
She closes her eyes and attempts to obey her mother’s words. They sound like a promise that there is beauty in this world, if only she can see it, that there is good in this world, if only she can try.
So she tries, seeking her mother in the darkness. But her fingers are numb now. And in those final moments, she can feel her soul beating, something warm and transient and flawed, forever striving toward perfection. Even now, when it is impossible, she can feel her soul fighting to live.
You have to try.
Everything is fading away.
The beat of her soul weakens. The world darkens. And maybe this was always her destiny, her path set the moment she was born.
Ari. Ari, I’m sorry.
There is nothing left for me here,
no reason to stay in this place,
no life worth living for
[…]
Love Letter from Merikare to Hypatia, 1982
