Stay.
But neither of them said it.
At last, Winter nodded back toward the entrance. “I think your car’s here,” he said.
She nodded. Tore away her heart. Took a step backward.
“Goodbye,” she said.
“Goodbye,” he said.
As she turned to walk back toward the front of the garden, Sydney allowed herself this small, small break in her blank slate. She allowed herself to think all the words she wanted to say to him.
I will miss you, Winter Young, and your shadow walking beside mine. Don’t forget to look for me now and then.
I might just be there in the sky.
39
Could Have, Should Have
There were a million things Winter could have done instead.
He could have offered to ride to the airport with her.
He could have asked her to stay another hour, found some way to take her to a coffee shop or a private dinner.
He could have offered to fly her home on his own plane, asked her to take a spontaneous trip somewhere with him, just for a day, get to relax for a moment and just see each other as they were instead of what their roles were.
He could have told her the truth.
How, for instance, he’d felt his gaze drawn to her the instant he first saw her, that when she got angry at him, the color of her eyes seemed to darken like a storm. He never told her that, in all the thousands of events he’d ever attended, among all the beautiful and extraordinary people he’d met over the years, he had never met anyone like her. He never confessed to her that she lingered on his mind at every hour, as present as the bits of music that were always coming into being in his thoughts.
That he wished he could kiss her without it being a desperate moment or a farewell.
He should have just let himself be selfish, open his heart and damn the consequences for her, damn the consequences for himself, for those around him, for those he cared about.
He should have told her he was falling in love with her.
But he didn’t.
Maybe it was for the best.
Instead, he looked on as she got into the waiting car, waved goodbye to her one last time, and said nothing. Afterward, he stood by himself for a time in the garden, his eyes still turned in the direction in which the car had disappeared. He waited until the night had truly settled.
Then he walked away.
