She hesitated, then fell into step with him. Together in the twilight, they turned in a small, slow circle. She leaned her head against his shoulder and felt his breath warm against her hair. A low vibration made her realize that he was humming.
The realization began to sink in that she might never see him again after this. Oh, she would catch him on TV with the rest of the world, might even get to attend his concerts or watch his interviews. But moments like this, whatever this was, would never happen again. And a new feeling splintered in her heart, a pining that felt so sharp and painful that she sucked her breath in, surprised by the suddenness of it.
Winter stirred against her. “Are you okay?” he whispered.
No,she wanted to answer. But she nodded against his shoulder and said, “Fine.”
He didn’t answer. She wondered if he was splintering just the same, if something about their bond felt different than the ones he must have formed with dozens of others before her, or if she was just the latest in his life’s string of love interests. If he had ever danced in a quiet garden like this with anyone else, leaning into her as if it might be their last moments together. He was a performer, after all, a master of illusion. He was the one and only Winter Young. This could all be a part of his act, and maybe he didn’t even realize it.
After a while, he pulled away enough to look at her.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
“Because…” He paused, then frowned, like he had lost what he was trying to say. “Because I can’t follow you.”
There was something small and lonely in his gaze, the look of a boy who had been left behind before. And Sydney felt her own heart twist in response, the part of her that just wanted to escape everything, the part that could only hold together if she were alone.
She swallowed and studied his face. “I’m sorry, too. For the same.”
He gave her a wry smile. “A little like the sun and moon, aren’t we? Never in the sky at the same time.”
“Technically, the moon can sometimes be seen during the day, so that’s not entirely true.”
His smile turned withering. “I’m trying to be romantic, and you’re the worst.”
Romantic.She could feel her face warming and looked down, tucking a hair behind her ear. A small smile twitched at the corner of her lips. “Sorry. Not my strong suit.”
He laughed. The sound filled her heart. “I think I just mean… that I’m really going to miss you.”
“Me too,” she whispered.
She could feel the air tightening between them, aching to pull them together. She could see him wanting to lean toward her, wantingher, and herself drawing near to close the gap between them. A farewell kiss.
“I…” he breathed, golden light on his lashes, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“It’s not,” she murmured back.
He gave her a sad smile. “I have a feeling we are destined to make bad decisions forever.”
She felt her heart crack more. “I sincerely hope so.”
He looked down and offered her his hand. She took it, then enclosed it in a handshake.
His smile tilted up at one end. “It’s been an honor, Sydney Cossette.”
“The honor’s mine, Winter Young,” she said.
Then he tugged her toward him in their handshake, leaned down, and kissed her.
She closed her eyes, savoring his warm touch, the tingle that rushed through her, the heat that flooded every limb. Savoring the fleeting seconds of this final embrace. Remembering the lyrics she’d once seen in his notebook.
You are my meditation.
Then she thought of the gray day when she had stood in front of Niall and pleaded with him in a low voice to take her away from everything, that in exchange, she was willing to walk away from her old life. She had given up everything at the chance of a blank slate, devoid of emotional attachments, of love and its cousin grief. Of throwing herself entirely into something that mattered to her, that felt significant and important. She had decided that what she wanted was not relationships with people like Winter but taking down people that caused others pain. That every step she took further into Panacea was a step she took away from her old home.
So, reluctantly, she pulled away. The first stars had begun blinking into existence overhead. Sydney could still taste him on her mouth, could feel the unspoken want that lingered between them.
