I nod, looking around at the serene street of my childhood.There is always another reason with this Premier.
Always, Red agrees.
We’re quiet for a moment as we soak in the peace around us. The metallic sheen of his hair shines under the dappled light. Even in a dream, he is so beautiful.
I wish this were real, I say.I wish I could erase everything that had happened in the arena with this.
Red searches my gaze.There was nothing you could have done differently, he tells me.
He saw what happened. He knows what it’s like. I turn my face down, determined to keep the peace in my mind.
I’m a Striker, I finally whisper to him.I’m supposed to know what it’s like to lose those we love out on the warfront. I take the hit and I don’t make a sound, so I can live to fight another day. But I just… couldn’t take this hit. I couldn’t do it. Not after I put them there in the first place. Not when I was the one standing by and allowing soldiers to shackle them.
I swallow, the guilt lodging thick in my throat. What if Constantine hadn’t taken my bait today? What if he had ordered me to go ahead and kill Adena anyway, or told his soldiers to do so? How would I have lived with it if he had?
Red doesn’t answer, but I can feel the pulse of his emotions through our link, his answering pain. He has been down this road before, countless times. What’s the point of taking the hit if there is no hope left? What’s the point if you lose either way?
You shouldn’t have to, he finally answers.
I tighten my lips.I have to get them out of there, I say.I have to get them out, Red. I just… have to.
I finally look up at him to meet his gaze. His eyes are steady and somber, the deep blue that makes me think of open seas and evening skies. Somehow, all I can think of is the afternoon in Mara when we’d both been down in the baths, each of us in a separate bath but the same house, able to sense the other through our new link as steam shrouded everything around us. I had not been able to see anything of him through our link that day, other than the glimpse through his eyes of locks of his hair floating serenely in the water. It hadn’t mattered. Some of our closest moments were when we aren’t close at all.
I suck in my breath, and for an instant, our surroundings flicker again—this time to those baths. I can feel the warm pool suddenly lapping against my skin, can look over to see Red there beside me, water beading on his bare chest. Steam floats between us, softening his featuresbehind it. The surface of the bath ripples between us, colliding in the middle.
The memory shivers and fades again as I hastily pull it back, embarrassed. The tree branches return around us. But Red doesn’t tease me. His blue eyes remain steady, searching my gaze, and I realize that perhaps he was thinking about those baths too.
He hesitates again, his hand in midair. Then he closes the gap between us, reaching out in the dream to smooth the strands of my hair away from my face.
I almost expect his touch to pass through me—but when his hand brushes my face, Ifeelhim. I can sense his skin against mine.
He feels me too, and jerks his hand back in surprise. His eyes dart abruptly to mine.
I didn’t know we could do that, he whispers.
He’s scarcely uttered his words before I lean forward and kiss him.
I have wondered about what it might be like to kiss him since that day in the bathhouse. It’s hard to imagine that we would embrace in our dream, through our bond—but I startle just the same. His lips are full and warm, his body yearning toward mine. He’s kissing me back before I can comprehend what I’m doing. I wrap my arms around his neck—can I do this? He loops his arms around my waist—can he do this?
Talin, he whispers, my name hoarse on his tongue. Moments from our past flash through me—the night after our first battle together, when he’d touched my hand and begged feverishly for me to stay at his side; the way we’d sat side by side at my mother’s table, enjoying the quiet of each other’s company; the last time I’d seen him before Mara fell. Then I think of today, of sensing him out there in the audience while I hovered over Adena, trying to decide between killing my friend and sparing my mother any more pain.
The sun-soaked trees and the street of my childhood waver around us, my peace threatening to topple. Will Constantine find a way to dig into my mind and unearth everything? Will I accidentally utter something that gives Red away, as I did outside Newage? If I did, would I ever be able to forgive myself? Could I ever undo the harm that would cause?
I could be the weak link again.
This is the thought that finally forces me to tear away from Red. My arms leave him, my body draws back from his. The air between us cools. He opens his eyes and stares at me as we both breathe heavily, dizzy with the presence of each other.
We’re going to free you, he whispers to me.And we’re going to free the others. I swear it.
I shake my head.Save yourself and save Jeran. Get him away from here.
He narrows his eyes at me.You can’t be willing to sacrifice yourself for the others and then tell us to save ourselves.
Everything in me wants to tell him about Raina, that he and Jeran aren’t operating alone out there, that there are so many other forces at work in this city. But I find myself holding back, afraid. My hands chained once again by fear.
Yes I can, I reply.Because this is no way for us to keep meeting. I’m sorry, Red.
We can find a way to work together, he starts to say.
