The fear still grips me, and the words I want to say still stutter to a halt in my throat. But this time, all I can think about is what it was like to live without her for a decade.
When I open my mouth this time, the words finally spill out.
“I don’t deserve having you in my life,” I tell her quietly. “There may always be pain and grief that follows me, even here, in all thisRoss City luxury. Maybe that’s the way it goes in life. You don’t deserve to share that pain.” I take a deep breath, trying to quell my fear, the rising tide of all the darkness that still haunts me from the Republic. “But I think you do deserve to know the truth of how I feel. Because even if we can’t be together in the end, I would like you to know.”
June’s eyes are glossy against the blue-gray light filtering in from the windows. “And what is that?” she whispers.
“That I love you,” I whisper. “That I’ve been in love with you for years, even when we were separated.Especiallythen. I’ve lived with you in my life, and I’ve lived without you. No matter what kind of fear I feel in the possibility of us being together, the fear of being away from you is something I don’t think I can bear.” I look down, shy to meet her gaze now. “I have nightmares of losing you again. All the time.”
There. My heart is ripped open and exposed before her. All the uncertainty that had plagued me before now roars in my mind as I wait for her response.
Maybe this was all a mistake. I shouldn’t have told her this. It’s too soon.
Then June draws nearer. “I never had a chance to tell you, before you and Eden left for Antarctica, that I love you too. So fiercely that it frightens me.” Her voice trembles.
I love you. I love you. I have never heard these words from June before, and now they fill my heart to bursting, making me whole in a way I never knew I could be.
She smiles a little, and now I see that her eyes are moist. “Even if we don’t know where we’ll go in the future, perhaps our lives werealways meant to collide again and again. Perhaps we are forever meant to be each other’s catalysts.”
Forever. It’s a word I’ve never dared to use with June. Maybe there is a chance for a forever in our lives.
“I’ve looked over my shoulder for a decade,” I whisper, “wondering what it was that was missing in my life. Turns out, all this time, it was you.”
Then I lean close, and this time, I kiss her.
She nearly collapses into my embrace. Her lips are so soft and familiar against mine, everything that I’ve missed in the years we’ve been apart. Our conversations together may be awkward and polite, and our presence around each other stilted and distant… butthis, this feels right in every possible way.
She belongs here, in my arms, and I belong here, giving my whole heart to her.
A deep hunger rises in me. This time, I don’t waste a second. I wrap my arms tightly around her and push her back against the bed. My skin prickles in pleasure wherever she runs her fingers. She runs her hands through my hair and sighs contentedly against me. Her waist, her slender neck, the curve of her hips… I shiver at the warmth of her. Everything about her is like a fever dream. I want to preserve this in time for us. I want a million more of these moments.
She unbuttons my shirt. I pull hers over her head. My fingers run across new scars on her, here and there, a healed scratch, an old raised bruise. She is older, as am I, and we are different now than we were. I love her more for it, wish I had been able to share in all of it with her over the last few years. She kisses my cheeks as I fall into her. Her hands slide down my back. I shudder at her every touch.
The rest of the apartment is silent. Outside, I hear the passing of airplanes. Somewhere in the distance, music is playing. Millions of lights twinkle beyond the windows and against the night, each one a different life, a different moment from ours.
But tonight, we let ourselves stay entwined together, as if everything will remain as perfect as this moment. As if this could be our future.
EDEN
I don’t know when Hann plans to unleash the real signal. All I know is that Hann finally comes to see me again in the makeshift chamber that he’s offered me at the estate.
I jump a little as he enters the room with two of his guards.
“I don’t mean to startle you,” he says to me now, holding up both of his hands. Then he nods at the guards. “You’re no longer needed,” he adds. “I’d like a word alone with Mr. Wing.”
The guards do as he says. They step out, and the room is suddenly just me and him.
Hann sits down in a chair across from me and leans his chin on his hand. “Word is that your brother is now safely back with the AIS,” he says.
“Thank you for keeping your word,” I reply.
“Do you know why I’m here right now?” he asks me.
I just stare warily at him. “Why?”
He reaches into the pocket of his suit jacket, then pulls out what looks like a heavy purse. With a careless gesture, he tosses it in my direction.
I fumble with it as it lands against my chest with a chunky clink of metal. “What’s this?” I say.
