At my expression, she just laughs harder. “It’s fine,” she says. We pause for a moment, shuffling awkwardly, before she continues. “So. Where are you taking me?”
Even as we do this shy dance around each other, I can see poise in every line of her body. She seems like she has her entire life together in a way that I might never be able to do. I wonder if I should be acting more mature around her, so I give her a polite nod and start guiding us down the walkway.
“Someplace where we can catch up properly,” I reply.
Everything about her here feels both right and strange. The way her hair occasionally swings enough to brush my shoulder. The slight distance we keep between us when we walk beside each other. Even the way we keep trying to talk at the same time.
We take a seat at a restaurant at the highest point in Ross City, overlooking almost all the myriad skyscrapers. I can pinpoint exactly when the sunset fades into evening because the color of June’s hair shifts from a warm, dark brown to a midnight raven’s black.
Maybe this moment doesn’t affect her in the same way. I can’t be sure.
“How’s life treating you in—” we both say over our plates, then stop and laugh.
June continues when I stay silent. “You seem like you’re enjoying Ross City,” she says.
It’s not entirely true, of course. But I shrug and smile. “Can’t complain,” I reply. “I gotta say, it’s been a hell of an upgrade to sit in a place like this, looking out at a view like that.” I nod toward the stunning cityscape.
June gives me a wry grin. “I guess that means you’re not planning on moving back to the Republic anytime soon.”
“Well, I might for a while. Eden’s got an internship set up in Batalla. But the Republic’s still an idea I’m not sure I can ever get used to.” I pause, suddenly unsure if I should stay on this topic. Is it too sensitive to bring up between us now? My thoughts return abruptly to the argument I’d had with Eden, the way we’d left things hanging and unfinished. “You know how it is,” I decide to say instead.
June watches me in a way that makes me feel like she knows I’m keeping something from her. Then she looks away and out at the city. I’m quiet as I feel my heart sink. June is Anden’s most trusted officer. Someday, he may appoint her to lead the Republic’s entire military, to help restructure the whole country. She’s not leaving it behind anytime soon. If I want any chance of being in her life, the Republic is where I have to go.
Can I do that?
Immediately, I’m embarrassed at myself for my reaction. I have no hold or right on June’s life. We’re not dating. I don’t even know if she wants to. That old feeling between us now roars back to life in my head—that maybe there are just too many things that have changed in our lives for us to find a way back to each other. Or that maybe she’s just too good for me.
On the surface, I smile at her. “I hear rumors that Anden’s going to tap you to be First Commander someday.”
At that, she returns my smile. “Oh? Has that been circulating on the news here, or are you just asking around about me?”
I shrug and lean back against my chair, trying to hide my blush. “I ask around about a lot of people,” I say defensively.
When she doesn’t laugh, I drop my façade and ask, “Are you okay?”
She hesitates before she turns back to face me. Those dark eyes of hers fixate on mine, and I find myself feeling that strange sense of imbalance again, like I can never get my footing around her. “This isn’t you, Daniel,” she says.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“This.” She looks around at the pristine restaurant, full of marble floors and white pillars, waiters in polished uniforms carrying silver trays. “You don’t feel like you’re comfortable here.”
A flash of déjà vu hits me in that moment—suddenly I’m remembering another restaurant from another time, when we sat across from each other and June asked me why I never told her about the illness that almost took my life. That took part of my memories.
I lean away from the table. “It’s not like I haven’t been here before,” I reply, feeling embarrassed. “Everything in my life is now this—the polished floors and high ceilings, the newness. I like it. I’m as used to it as you.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not trying to insult you,” she says, leaning forward on her elbows. “I just… want to let down my guard. Like you want to. Don’t you?”
Let down my guard. That’s when I notice, with some irritation,my stiff back and straight posture. Of course June had sensed my anxiety and my forced politeness. Had I really forgotten what it was like to be around her, how she’d always manage to figure out everything and everyone around her with a few quick glances? If I could look into her head right now, I know I would see organized lists of observations and reactions.
But that’s what makes us different. She can figure me out in an instant, but I can’t do the same back.
A waiter approaches us and pours us some more sparkling water. I remember how long it’d taken me to even understand theconceptof sparkling water. My gaze lingers on the bubbles rising now in my drink. Across from me, June’s eyes rest on the paper clip ring looped around my finger. It’s catching a glint of light right now that makes it shine, for just a moment, like a rare gem. She gives me a hesitant smile, and my entire heart tightens with hope.
A place where we can let down our guard. Where we can find our way back to how we used to be.
Suddenly I perk up and give her a quick smile. “I know a place. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
At that, June’s entire demeanor changes. Her eyes light up with a warmth that I recall from our younger days, and a brightness fills her face until all I can do is stare at her, completely entranced.
