“Good girl, that’s it. Go faster, baby.”
So I did. And even when he secured my wrists behind my back, I clenched around him as payback. A power exchange so addictive, I reveled in the way his cock grew bigger. Harder.
“Fuck!”
He released my wrists and erupted inside me. He encouraged me to keep going.
His fingers dug into my hips as I continued rolling them forward and back. I could feel his cock pulse deeply inside me. Wrapping his arms around me, he held me close. I let my forehead drop on his good shoulder, thoroughly sated and spent.
We didn’t say anything for a while. It was frightening. The power he had over my body, how he could easily command me like an addict needing a hit. To surrender and become vulnerable was to experience an all-consuming inferno that burned all my inhibitions to the ground. I couldn’t surrender physically and not have my emotions compromised. I already cared for him. It was alarming that I might be falling in love with my husband.
The crackling of the fire and our breathing were the only sounds in the cabin. A messy afterglow surrounding us. Warm, thick with uncertainty, it was making me feel sticky from the shroud of sweat coating my skin.
“I can feel you thinking too hard,” Kirill murmured in my ear. He nudged me, making me raise my head from his shoulder so we were staring eye to eye. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m afraid.”
His eyes grew alert, searching. “Of what?”
“I can’t separate the physical from my heart,” I whispered. “You asked about what the difference is between love and in love?”
He shook his head. “I don’t care anymore as long as I’m the only one who can fuck you like this.”
“That’s exactly it.” I attempted to unseat myself, but Kirill kept me planted.
“Don’t,” he rasped. “You feel so good.”
I huffed. “That’s just it, Kirill. For you, it’s just physical. Your possession. As long as no one is intimate with me like this. For me, I might want more.”
“More? What more is there?”
“Never mind.” I looked away.
He gripped my chin and turned my face back his way. “Tell me.”
I want you to be crazy about me. Because I have a feeling, I’ll become hopelessly in love with you.“I want you to genuinely care for me and respect me.”
His face grew pensive and confused. “Isn’t that what I’m showing you?” His chest made a rumbling sound. “I’m not good at expressing feelings. I’m not sure if I have them.”
“Then why did you ask me if I loved my boyfriend?”
His nostrils flared, and his eyes grew flinty. “Because that’s what normal expectations are with romantic relationships. People willingly go into one because there’s love or physical chemistry. Having both constitutes a healthy relationship. Or that’s what I expect.”
Oh my God. This man. Emotion was like a science to him. He analyzed them like a mathematical equation. X+Y=Z.
“But I don’t care anymore. That’s why I did not push you when you said there was a difference between love and being in love because it’s not something I can understand, but this iswhat you need to know.” He clasped my face so I couldn’t look away. “You consume me. I think I am obsessed with every single part of you. Your face, your body, your mannerisms. Even down to the way you annoy me. I’m obsessed. I hate seeing you go hungry; I don’t want to see you get hurt, unless it’s the good hurt that leads to you coming on my cock”—I rolled my eyes, but he squeezed my jaw to pay attention—“anything that brings a smile to your face, I want to be the one to put it there.” He exhaled heavily. “I’m still trying to understand whatthisis, baby. Do I make sense?”
His fingers clasping my jaw slackened.
I smiled. It was all I could do not to cry, because I think in his own way, Kirill was also saying he was falling in love with me.
“Oh my God,that doesn’t fit.”
“Sure it does.”
“Says the man who tried to put the church steeple on top of the mountain. Is everything with you about brute force?”
“I couldmakeit fit.” Kirill smirked at me before conceding I was right and discarding the offending puzzle piece.
