I spent the next hour being fussed over until I was finally able to escape to my old bedroom. Dad had called Luca to let him know I was home safe. Luca wanted to come by, but I told my dad I didn’t want to see him. I wasn’t ready yet for a number of reasons. My dad assured me he would take care of informing work and keeping Luca at bay. With that settled, I curled up in bed and lost myself in sleep.
I dreamed I was alone somewhere in the arctic north, lost with nothing but the clothes on my back. There was enough light cast from somewhere behind the horizon that I could see the endless white landscape where not even trees dared to grow. I spun around in fear, clueless how I would survive in such harsh conditions.
The biting wind tore at my body, creating blinding pain where numbness had not yet set in. Even breathing was painful, the frozen air like razor blades against my sensitive lungs. How would I ever survive? My hand came to the strapon my backpack, and I knew innately I had a blanket tucked inside the bag, but I couldn’t touch it. Why? The heavy cloth would give me the protection I needed from the brutal outdoors. Why couldn’t I wrap its soft warmth around me?
A particularly violent gust threw me to my hands and knees, the icy ground brutal and unforgiving. Sitting back on my knees, I glanced at my bloody palms, fear allowing the cold to further penetrate my bones.
I would not survive, not like this.
Tears froze against my burning cheeks as I curled into myself and cried. I didn’t want to die. I was so young, how could life end so quickly? There was so much I wanted to see and do, but the cold had sapped every ounce of energy I had—there was none left for survival. All I could do was curl into myself and hope the frozen wilderness took me quickly.
I woke on a gasp, starting to sit up in bed before a bite of pain reminded me of the very real nightmare I’d endured. Lying back down, I reoriented myself to my surroundings. I’d been under my covers, but I could still feel the icy chill from my dream. The moonlight in my room lit the space enough for me to see my father sitting in a chair in the far corner. Had he been watching me sleep?
“Dad?” I asked dazedly, still groggy from the dream.
He rose from his seat and came over to sit next to me on the bed, lifting a hand to smooth my hair back behind my ear. “I’m so sorry, Alessia. I tried so hard to protect you and Sofia—to protect all of us—but it wasn’t enough. I hid us away, kept men posted to guard you, and made sure your work never touched the uglier side of my business.” He paused, his moonlit eyes heavy with remorse. “You expressed your desire to stay out of the life, and I respect that, but sometimes we’re born into our circumstances. The poordon’t want to be poor, and you may not want to be a part of this life, especially after what’s happened, but as my daughter, you will never be completely free unless you started over. It wouldn’t be my preference, but I’ll help you disappear, if that’s what you want. With a new name and a new life, you could live how you see fit.” He glanced down at his hands in an uncharacteristically vulnerable gesture. “Think about it; there’s no rush to decide.” He leaned in and kissed my head, lingering for an achingly sweet moment.
My father hadn’t been so openly affectionate to me since I’d been a child. I wanted to capture the feeling and seal it away so I would have it always.
“You know, you’d have to be blind not to see how much Luca cares for you. Leaving is always an option, but so is staying. With a man like him, I’d feel confident you’d be protected and well cared for. I won’t push any more than that, but please keep an open mind.” He gave me a sad smile and got up to leave.
The red display of the digital clock on my nightstand read eleven at night. I’d slept through the evening, and now that my dad started me thinking, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. He was one-hundred percent right. The only way to truly remove myself from the mafia was to uproot my life and start over somewhere else as a different person. Was that what I wanted? Was I prepared to make that kind of change?
I thought about my sisters and my parents, Giada, and my other family—I may not have been close to all of them, but they were my family. Walking away forever felt like losing a part of myself. All I’d wanted since I was a kid was to help my dad run Triton. I wasn’t sure how much dad’s mafia operations had touched the company, but there was still alegitimate business in place. If I could still run it, wouldn’t that be a satisfying life?
I loved my apartment and the city—I loved my life. Now that Roger was gone, there wasn’t one thing I would want to change, aside from my father’s connections. Maria had said things could be the same, that I could continue my life as it was. Could she have been right? It wouldn’t be exactly the same, but could there be enough similarity that it would still be my life, my choices? What if I threw Luca into that mix? Would being with him make my mafia ties that much stronger? I’d already had a mob boss for a father—would dating a made man be any different?
I noticed someone had placed my phone next to the bedside clock while I’d been asleep. I had three missed messages from Giada and a slew of missed calls and messages from Luca. Most of his were from earlier in the day when Sal had first taken me, but there was one from just an hour ago.
I don’t think I can sleep until I know you’re alright. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. You’ve changed me, Alessia, and I don’t think I can go back. Please talk to me.
Tears pricked in my eyes, and my chest ached to be near him. Just the thought of Luca comforted me. Before I had a chance to second-guess myself, I texted back.I’m doing okay. Please get some rest.
The conversation bubble immediately popped up as he typed a response. He’d been waiting by his phone to some degree, and I hated to think of him worrying.
Are you in pain?
I’d been avoiding thinking about my wounds as much as was possible when I hurt every time I moved. Since wakingup, I’d needed to go to the bathroom but had resisted because I didn’t want to see the damage. Would I be horribly scarred? Would Luca—or any man for that matter—still want me if they saw how I looked now? My face and breasts weren’t damaged, but my stomach, arms, and legs were a crisscross of jagged wounds. At some point, I would have to face the reality of what Rico had done to me, but it could wait.Some, but it’s not too bad.
I wish I had you in my arms—I want to make you feel safe.
You do.I want that too.I miss you. I didn’t want to lead him on when I was still so confused. Yes, I wanted him to hold me and assure me no one would ever hurt me again, but was that what I’d want a week from now when I felt more like myself?I need some time, please understand.
I’m not going anywhere. Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl.
Night, Luca.
No decisions had been made, my body was still mangled, and Sal was still at large, but just a few texted words from Luca, and peace settled over me. I made a quick trip to the restroom—careful not to look in the mirror or down at my arms and legs—then crawled back into bed and drifted easily back to sleep.
CHAPTER 25
LUCA
It wastwo days after Alessia’s ordeal, and I was close to losing my mind. I learned she’d gone back to her apartment but not much else. She had only texted a few words here and there, and I’d tried not to push her, but my patience was wearing thin.
I never claimed to be a good man.
I wasn’t even necessarily the best man for her, but I didn’t care.
