Had shit to do. I’ll call you later. PS—you’re fucking beautiful when you sleep.
As usual, Luca made me smile, not just a casual everyday smile—a fifteen-year-old-girl-gets-noticed-by-her-crush smile. Why couldn’t Brad, the grocery store manager, make me smile like that? Would it be so much to askthat I could fall for an upstanding citizen—someone who pays their taxes and doesn’t hurt people for a living?
I groaned out a long sigh and flopped back onto the bed, taking my phone with me. Thank God, it was Saturday—I didn’t have to face work for two full days. Considering everything that had gone on and the maudlin weather, I had no plans of leaving my apartment all day. I needed some time to think about my life and get my shit in order, and there was only one person I trusted enough to help me do that. I texted Giada, asking her to come over, then flipped to Luca in my contacts and made certain to unblock his number. I had no idea where things would end up between us, but for now, he was still a part of my life. After that, I commenced staring at the ceiling, which is where Giada found me an hour later.
“Al … you okay?” she sung in a wary but playful voice.
“You might want to come sit down for this.” I scooted toward the middle of the bed, and she crawled over to sit cross-legged next to me.
“Did something happen with that guy?”
“Yes, but it’s so much bigger than that. G, if I tell you this, you have to promise never to tell another living soul.”
“You’re starting to freak me out.”
“Say it, Giada—I need to know you won’t discuss this with anyone.”
“You know you’re my one and only.”
Anxiety made my heart flutter in my chest as I held her eyes. “Luca’s in the mafia.” The room fell into an awkward silence as Giada processed the news.
“Sooooo, you stopped seeing him, right?” she asked, confused.
“Sort of … I mean, I tried to…”
“You’re still seeing him?” Her voice rose a series of octaves with the question.
“He’s insanely persuasive! And I really like him—G, don’t look at me like that! I need your help.” I sat up facing her, placing my hands on her knees. “He’s everything I never knew I wanted, but now that I know what it’s like to be with him, I can’t imagine it any other way—he even saved me from Roger and from being mugged.”
“Your boss?”
“Yes, he attacked me in the bathroom yesterday.”
“That fucker,” she hissed.
“But it’s okay because Luca busted in and saved me. I know I should probably end it, but I can’t seem to do it. It’s like telling myself not to sleep or breathe.”
“What if being with him puts you in danger? Plus, he could go to prison! Are you okay being with a convict?”
No, absolutely not, and yet… “The thought of losing him makes me feel like I’m drowning—it’s terrifying,” I admitted in a whisper.
“Damn,” she breathed, pulling me into a hug. “I leave you alone for one day…” she teased, making me laugh.
“I know—I’m a hot mess. Thank you for loving me anyway.”
“Always. Plus, I’m sure I’ll have my turn one of these days.”
“Good Lord, let’s hope not. I think I’ve got myself in enough mess for the both of us.”
Giada forced me out of bed, and we spent the rest of the morning talking through my Luca troubles. I told her about the three thugs attempting to mug me and about being assaulted by Roger. She threatened to throat punch me if Iever let someone treat me like Roger had again. I promised to let her if I did.
By the time she left just after lunch, I was feeling noticeably better. I still had no idea what I was going to do, but I felt better about being undecided. It wasn’t like I’d agreed to marry Luca—I just hadn’t stopped dating him. That didn’t mean I was going to stay with him forever.
Bluster, bluster, bluster.
The manipulative mind of an addict is a terrible thing.
When the phone rang that evening, my heart danced in my chest as Luca’s name flashed on the screen. Damn heart was a traitor. It had declared mutiny over my mind and was now campaigning for a total overthrow.
