He was silent for a long, excruciating moment. “You aren’t avoiding me, are you?” The tension in his voice was as much a threat as a question.
Would it matter if I was? “No. If I was hiding, I wouldn’t have answered your call.”
He huffed out a grunt. “It’s getting late, and I’ve got another long day ahead of me, but I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Get some rest, Luca. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” My throat burned with the lie, and tears pooled in my eyes.
“After dinner with your cousin, you’re mine. No excuses—you hear me?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“That’s my girl. I could have used some of that sweetness today, but I’ll have to wait. You get some rest—you’ll be up late tomorrow.” The call ended, and Luca’s honeyed voice was gone.
My heart lodged in my throat at the thought I might not ever hear his voice again. How did I reconcile Jackson’s claim with the thoughtful man I’d just spoken to? I’d known Luca wasn’t an average guy, but I never imagined anything so bad as the truth.
The Five Families.
The Mafia.
Criminal.
I was one-hundred percent Italian, living in the heart of the city, and I’d never once come across anyone in the mafia. That shit just didn’t happen in real life. Of all the people, the one man who had the power to change me, to mark me as hisown, was a criminal. A thug. The unfairness of it all only added to my hopelessness.
My heart blistered and tore.
My breathing stuttered, and I began to sob silently into my pillow. I gave myself over to the torrent of emotions, allowing the loss and frustration to crash over me like relentless waves on a rocky shore. Eventually, the tide let out, and I was left raw and exposed, slipping into a dreamless sleep.
I had to wake early in order to race home to shower and get ready for work. The bags under my eyes the next morning were the perfect complement to my swollen, bloodshot eyes. Forget foundation, I was going to need stage makeup to have any chance of looking quasi-normal. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep anything stronger than concealer on hand, so I did the best I could with what I had.
I may have looked like hell, but I felt somewhat better equipped to handle my problems than I had the day before. I had come to the conclusion I needed to start addressing my problems head-on, instead of actively avoiding them.
First and most importantly was Luca. If I examined the facts logically, a relationship with him didn’t make sense. He wasn’t good for me, no matter how much that hurt. It would be best if I broke things off with Luca now, rather than letting it linger. More than likely, I was blowing things out of proportion anyway. I would tell him it was over, and he would move on. Men didn’t get attached quickly like women did. It might zing his pride, but he wasn’t going to chase after a girl who rejected him for long. He surely had far too manywilling options to spend much time pursuing me. As for me, the loss would hurt, but I would survive. It was hard to cause myself pain, but in the long run, I would be saving myself a world of heartache.
Burying myself in work, I pushed aside all thoughts of Luca. I even brought my lunch to avoid a chance encounter with him in the lobby. It may have been cowardice, but I didn’t want to tell him in person—having him close to me would make the words that much more difficult. I waited to get out my phone until lunch when the office cleared out and only a few administrative personnel remained. Closing my office door, I began to type out my text to Luca.
I’ve thought about this a lot and decided this isn’t going to work between us. This isn’t a good time for me, and we are just too different. Please don’t fight me on this. My finger hovered over the send button for long minutes while my inner voices warred over sending the message. It was the right thing to do, but that stupid organ inside my chest didn’t agree.
When I finally amassed the fortitude to hit send, it felt like a monumental event, yet there was nothing to show for it. The gods didn’t rain down their ire, and the Earth didn’t tremor with the impact. I sat alone in an empty office, engulfed in silence.
Until my phone began to ring.
I dismissed the call, knowing it would be a mistake to speak to Luca. Instead, I texted him again.Please, don’t argue. I told you it’s over.I watched in breathless anticipation as the three conversation dots indicated he was typing a response.
You need to answer the fucking phone.
I’m not going to—there’s nothing to say.
What happened in the time since I was in your bed two days ago?
He wasn’t going to stop. He would keep arguing until I gave in and saw him or talked to him, then he’d have me. I wasn’t strong enough to withstand him in person. I hated upsetting him, and breaking up over text was a shitty thing to do, but I didn’t know how else to get the job done. I closed my eyes, my bottom lip trembling, and took a shaky breath. When I opened my eyes, I clicked to Luca in my contacts and blocked his number.
The silence in my office was suddenly suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. The air was thick and heavy, too dense for my struggling lungs. I’d ended things with Luca, and it felt like I’d cut off a piece of myself. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I could feel a sob clawing to tear free of my chest.
Needing to find someplace safe to allow my heart to crumble, I hurried from my office and ran to the restroom. Hands on the sink, I lowered my head and cried, heaving, breathless sobs. I thought I’d purged all my tears the night before, but I’d been wrong. When would it be enough? How long would it take for my heart to be free of him? Was that even a possibility?
I feared that losing a man like Luca would wreck me—whether I’d been with him for a week, a month, or a year. He would set the bar so high, no other man could ever measure up. He’d be there with me always, the eternal presence of the one who got away.
Jostling me from my thoughts, the bathroom door creaked behind me. I hurriedly turned on the water and splashed my face a couple times before patting my flushed cheeks dry. When I opened my eyes, I startled at the reflection of the man standing behind me.
